Healthy.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is is pure, whatever is lovely,whatever is admirable, - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Philippians 4:8
Being HeALtHy has forever been important to me. Really as far back as I can remember. I've been an athletic-exercise  girl. And now in my fifties it's ImPErATIvE to my mental&emotional&spiritual&physical health to exercise every day. So I do. It's just habit. I really don't give it much thought. The pay-off is HuGE. I don't compare my habit to anyone else's. I just do what works best for me. I'm SUPeR INSpiReD, though, by my PeEpS who stay healthy. I have other habits that I build into my daily life to keep healthy. They ALL SEeM TO BE CONNeCTED.
   Example #1.  I gave up SuGAR for the month of MAY. (Inspired by a friend who doesn't EAT SUGAR EVER.  EVER sounded toooo long for me.....:) it wasn't super fun but really not super hard either. It was just HABIT.  No SUGAR MAY was really HEALTHY. Again. For many different reasons. The pay-off was HUGe. I'll do it again.
  Example #2.  I read "Daring Greatly" by BreNe Brown. Let me just say...I have a CRUSH on this book. Thank you, BreNe. You're my new BFF. You've helped me recognize UNHeALTHy thoughts that have governed little bits of me. I'm replacing some old thinking habits with newer-healthier-braver ones. It feels risky & vulnerable & courageous all at the same time. (more on this later.) Reading "Daring Greatly" was super HeALtHy. The pay-off has been huge.
  Example #3.  I LOVE scripture. Memorize it. Think on it. Apply it. Humbled by it. Rejoice in it. Soak in it. Marvel at it. Surprised by it. Changed by it. Captured by it. THANKFUL for it. Scripture is a HEALTHY HABIT.  Keeps me honest. Keeps my perspective. The pay-off is HUGE. God is MAGNIFiCENT.

What I'm learning about getting healthy.. living healthy... staying healthy... is... it's a PROCESS. It's
not ALL or NOtHiNG. There will for-ever be ROOm in me for change. For growth. For a fresh start.
 A NEW BegInniNg. A realized bad habit that needs to GO. A chance to ADD something GOOd. (People. Are you listening? this is such FABULoUS NEWS!)  Never too late to get HEALthY.

Bliss.

"Where you go I'll go. Where you stay I'll stay."  Ruth 1:16

June was a  LOVE-FEST.  Jeff&i were invited to 6 weddings last month. SIX.  Each one important. All couples SuPER SPECiaL. Perfectly matched. I couldn't HELP but be caught up in the PiNtEreSt-InSPiReD SPaRkLy-TwiNKLy MAGiC of it all. The SHoWERs&FLoWeRs. Veils&Venues&Vows. Rings&GOwNs. Cakes&Save-the-Dates. Food.Drinks.Music.Dances.Toasts.Invites.Bridesmaids.Groomsmen.Flowergirl.Ringbearer.Registry............it takes a A LOT to throw a WEDDiNg. It takes a VILLaGE. It takes TiMe. It takes organization&planning&creativity. It takes a WHOLe BUnCH oF MOnEY. BoAtLoAd.
(This is the part that makes my husband HaPPy we only have one GiRL:)

The WeDdINGs were a ToTAL BLasT. Our DaNCiNg shoes were BuSy...Jeff can BUsT-a-move:)  We felt so honored to be included. Here's what JuNE reminded me of: All that ENERGY that goes into the WEdDiNG can just be tRaNsFeRrEd into the MARRiAGE. LIKe For-EveR. NeveR let up. The wedding is great. A GIFT.  BUT NOTHiNG compared to the MARRiAGE. A hEALtHy MARriaGe is God's BEST GIFT. But it doesn't just HAPPeN. Like the wedding. It takes InTenTion. cReaTIvity. EnErgy. planning. lovE. a team to help&encourage&support. communication. work. FUn. dancing. laughter. focus. grace. bending&vulnerability&prayer. Lots of PRaYer. &DaTinG. Never stop DaTiNg each OThEr. Romancing....it's MAGICAL. Even after almost 30 years. Bliss.❤

Simple.

The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but The Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7b

Life has become super simple for me. Simple. Simple. Simple. It's been a journey gettin here. I'm still clumsy & clueless & can complicate things....but over all....I'm delighted (&thankful) with this simple little life of mine. Mostly because I have TiME & SPACE & AVAILaBiLiTY for people. To LISTEN. LoVE. ENJoY.  To be PRESENT. My DrEAM is to Get to KnOW lots of NEW people. To just be SUPER comfortable hanging out with people who are DIFFeRENT than me. Look different. Live different. Think different. I WaNT TO HEAR YOU. Really LIsTEN to YOU. Christian. Jewish. Mormon. Catholic. Black. White. Gay. Straight. Young. Old. Republican. Democrat. Tattooed. Pierced. Rich. Poor. Educated. Uneducated. Fancy. Plain. Happy. Sad....(well...unless you're MeAN&CrANKy. then...maybe not)......I want to hear your STORY. Hear your HEART. Have HOnEST conversations without JuDGeMENT. Without agenda. See you the way GOD does. Be your friend.

Here's what I'm practicing:  NOT making QUICK SwEEPING JUDGe-Y comments in my HeAD or OuTLoUd about ANYONE. Ever. It's hURTFUL. It's NOT HELPFUL. At ALL.  I want to be HELPfUL. a SAfE PLaCE. a place you can find healing. You know. Like AUgUSt BOaTWRIGhT in The SEcReT LifE of Bees.  Yep. I'd love to be MORE like HER. She was a keeper of bees & a keeper of hearts. Listen. "Bee Yard Etiquette:  She reminded me that the world was really one Bee yard & the same rules apply to both. Don't be afraid as no life-giving BEe wants to sting you. Don't even think about swatting. If you feel angry, WHISTLE. Anger agitates while whistling melts a bees temper. Above all, send the BEEs LOVE. Every little thing wants to be LOvED."  See. Brilliant. Simple. Huh? Just send the bees love.  & I'm practicing my whistling, too.

Invitation.

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost."  Isaiah 55:1

Can i just say HOW MUCH I LOVE GOD'S WORD. Let's talk about THiS.  Just think about ThIS.
Isaiah 55:1. An open invitation. He says COME ALL. Every ONE.  If you're thirsty (&honestly, who isn't thirsty?) JUsT CoME to the WATERS. Find HOPE. heALInG. rEfREshMeNt. We don't have to  bring money.  We can't afford it anyway.  Just be YOu & come. I like this. A lot.  also...He offers wine for free. which is awesome;)
It's Sunday. I'm filled up & happy. Scripture does that for me. When I'm thirsty. His Word quenches. Saturates my SouL. Truth does it. Love does it. Grace does it. His invitation makes me smile. Plenty of room at the WeLL for every ONE. It must be GINORMOUS. Come with me to the living waters. Never thirst again. I'm not kidding. Oh. & bring a friend. Let's hold hands and walk together. It'll be fun.

Listen.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

Oh Hey. hi. Its been QUIET here.  My bossy (when I say BOSSy, I mean BeAutIfUL & EnCouRagiNg...) FriEnDs KEEp REMINDING that I haven't written a word since April 10th. NOT. ONE. WORD.  'APRIL 10Th!' (they keep saying...) 'I KNoW!' (i keep saying...) I WANT to write but I just don't have anything to SAY.  i got nothin.   I need to have something to SaY if I'm going to WrITe.  I figured i was SuPPoSeD to be LIStEnING instead.  So. I was like 'fine',  I'll hush-up and LISteN for a little while. A little while turned into a LONG while. 80 days to be exact.  Did you hear me.  I've been QUIET for 80 DAYS-IN-ROW. That's some kind of record. No lie.  Turns out...NOT TALKInG is actually a good thing.  Silence is nothing like you'd expect.  Its not empty. It's FULL & RICH. Jesus sits with me. I'm aware of the meditations of my heart. I recognize the things in me that can use some changing. Apparently there are layers. We are working on these things together. Thought patterns. Habits. Voices in my head that bully me. It's all extremely HuMbLinG. Yet. hopeful&happy&freeing. All at the same time. I'm getting braver.

In light of the Christian/Gay debate. (I HATE debates.)  I USED to KNOW SO MUCH.  I could rattle off biblical answers to most of life's questions without missing a beat. NoW. I know a couple things for sure. That's about it. The rest. I JUST. DONT KNoW.  I have a few hunches. That's all. I'm good with it.  I know what I want to BE. I want to BE more like Jesus. He's humble. kind. forgiving. gracious. trustworthy. loving. wise. patient......every attractive quality. He hung out with the SINnERS. He's in LOVE with EvERY PERSON. Every SINnER.  And when you pay close attention....the only ones He wasn't particularly happy with we're the BIBLE BULLIES. The EXTRA RIGHTEOUS RELIGIouS ONES.  I'm working on NOT being one of those & I apologize from the bottom of my heart for the times I have been. I'm sure I have been. I'm so sorry.  I'm grateful to the tips of my toes for FORGIVENESS & GRACE.

I'll stop here. That's my THOUGHt for today. It's good to be back.

Confessions.

"Why spend money on what is not bread and your labor on what does not satisfy?  Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare."  Isaiah 55:2

So. I'm just gonna say it. Don't judge. I (accidentally) read 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. Exactly two weeks ago. I read THE book. THE book I PrOcLaiMeD I WAs NOT going to read. I had absolutely NO desire to read. I had NO intention to read. BUT. In a moment of WEAKNESS & INDULGENCE & plain old CURIOSITY.....it HAPPeNED. All of a sudden..it was REAd. I take FuLL responsibility.   AND....I'm TELLING you this for a FEw ImPOrTAnT reasons.
FIRST:  I feel BAD about it. I feel bad because I SAID I wouldn't. I told DEAR friends I wouldn't. I took a stand on Facebook, even. Good grief. So. There's that.
SECOND:  I'm SWORN to AUThENTIcITy. I'm pRaCticiNg LivInG an open & honest LIFE.  Period. I'm learning how to do this a little BeTTeR each day. It feels good. It honors God. It honors you. It's heaLinG for my soul. Being VuLnEraBLe is the OnLy way I can GrOw. I'm REALLY trying HARD in this area. It's BRAVE. And NEW.  (Please bear with me:)
THIRD:  I'm usually really really CAREFuL about the things I read and the things I watch. I'm a bit frightened of anything over PG13. I'm intentional about putting GOOD stuff in. So. This was DIFFEReNT. To say the least.

Here's the ThiNG. Here's what I've learned in the past two weeks regarding me & this book & Jesus. I'm gonna DO stuff that isn't GOOD for me. Why? Because I'm a DEPRAVED SINFUL CReATUrE. That's why. I'm not above it. I wish I were. AND. wHEN I DO. I REFUSE to HIDE. I won't. I know that SHAME THRIVES in SECRECY. No more secrets. No more SHAME. EVER. In CHRiST there is no shame. No pretending it didn't hAppEn. Just. No. PREtENDING. So. When I choose to do stuff that isn't BEST. I'll regret it. Confess it. Learn from it. Move on. Choose BeTteR for today. He
GIVES FREELy the food that satisfies and brings DELIgHT to my SOUL. THAT is what I'm after.
I'm choosing ThAT. For today.

Cheerleader.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

I was born a cheerleader. No kidding. On the inside & the outside.  In Jr.High I cheered on the Compton Colts...all blue & white PoMPomS. 4 years of high school I was an E.B. Blade Cheerleader....in our Red&Blue Glory. And FiNaLLy..... Bakersfield College. Red & White & FUN.  Pure F.U.N.  I have a soft spot for cheerleaders. They're important.  They show up to do OnE THinG. They cheer. We NEED them. We all need to be cHeeRed ON. Wouldn't it be nice to have our own little cheer squad come tumbling in when things got tense & tricky & tangled...... to RALLY us through.  Or when we're tired, discouraged and out of gas.... FeeLing like giving up&throwing in the towel......our cheerleaders BuSt in DaNCINg & RooTinG us ON with songs & PomS & wild ENCoUraGeMenT.  Reminding us that we're not alone.....we have what it takes..... we are part of a TEaM. An AmAZINg&BeaUtiFuL TEAM. WiN or LoSe we're In ThiS TOgETHeR.  It makes ALL the DiFferEnCe. If you ask me....Cheerleaders MaKE ALL the DIfFerEnCe.

You see. Cheerleaders SPEAK TO THe BESt in US.  They SinG&ChaNt WoRDs that BUILd us Up. Words that are WHoLeSoMe & GooD. They SprEad POtENTiAl. TheY SinG HOpE. SoNgS that iNSPiRe & uPliFT. EVEN when THiNGS LoOk BLeAK. ESpECIaLLy WHeN THInGs LOoK BLeAk. It WORKS. It MaTTeRs. Our WORDs carry PoWER. We can BUILd up. WE Can TeAR DOWN. We need to REmEMBer tHiS.  To KnoW & PaY AttEnTIon. Because....we ALL are MeAnT to BE CHEELEADeRs.  WE'RE mADe to cHeeR. To GIVE COuRAGe. TO BENEFIT One-anOthEr with our WoRDs.  It takes some InTEnTiOn. Noticing. SelfLessneSs. Kindness. GRaCE. Because. Here's the thing. WoRd by WoRd we are BuiLdiNg the HouSe we LIvE in. The house OUR FAMiLY LiVEs in. The house OUr TeAM liVEs in. I want to BuiLD a LOvELY HouSe. A HOmE
where my PEOPLE find hope&happy.  A HOME that speaks kindness& sings potential. A HoMe that is helpful&beneficial to all who enter. (A home people actually WANT to enter.)  So. Im being mindful & careful with my words...speaking&texting. Praying the cheerleader in me is ALiVE&WeLL&ChEerInG AWaY. Pomspoms& all. If that's what it takes;) rah rah!!!

Perspective.

"But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God." Acts 7:55

Yesterday was super fun. I woke up at 4:30. Spent time with God. Went for a run & watched the sun rise. Was picked up by my darling friend who drove me to a crazy SWEeT bible study where I was invited to share a bit. (one of my favorite things to do;)  The girls are studying the book of Acts. (at the end of chapter 7. you should read it.)   Happened to be right at Stephen's stoning. Stephen's kinda my hero. He had made a whole bunch of ReLiGiouS people mad. StEAminG mad. He called them OUT on some ugly stuff. Hidden sins. Stephen BleW their cover. The people AppEAreD to be clean......... godly....amazing. But. They REALLY WERE NOT. Stephen was brave enough to TELL THEM the truth. They weren't happy about it and went AFTER HIM. You know....to KILL him. (very bad men.) Stephen never panicked. Didn't back down or run for his LiFE. Why? (you may ask)..... He had PeRsPeCtiVe. He didn't see ThEm. He saw GOD.

So I've been thinking about THAT. About how God gives me needed perspective. Every single day. When i am confused. When i am overwhelmed. When i am troubled. When i ASk. When i look. I find Him. He becomes my BiG picture.  EveRYtHING eLSe seems a little less important. Less worrisome.....It's simple, really. The Holy Spirit takes it from there. It feels physical, almost.  He fills me up. Gives me His view of things.  His perspective.  And all is okay.  Awesome, actually. God is WiTH me. In me. HERE. He's working. I'm serious. New perspective brings all kinds of mad HOPE.  & whimsy. & love for life.  The hard stuff is still here, too.  It's just that God is so much BiGGeR. Better. Brighter. All I need to do is look up.   glory;)

Wheelhouse.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God." Ephesians 2:8

A NeW WoRd that I can't get out of my head. 'Wheelhouse'. I know. It's an OLD word. But. For me it's holding some NEW meaning. I like the picture that it paints in my mind. A BiG STroNG WhiTE PADDLE on a RivErBOAT making its way uPStReaM. That's what I see. The WheeLhOuse being the SoUrCe of its eNeRgy. Paddling. Pulling. Splashing. FoCuSeD. MoViNG.  BriLLianTLy & powerfully through the SpaRKly WaTEr.  but.....the WoRD...'WhEELhouSE' itself is used in all SoRTs of ways: the pOwEr ZoNe for a baseball batter....the HoME & vantage point for the captain of a boat...a person's aReA of expertise...the pLaCe from which a vessel can be NaViGaTeD.....the CeNtER of CoNTRoL. (It all sounds a bit like the SaMe ThiNg.)  WheeLHoUsE. I have one. You have one. What does it mean. WhERe is it. WHO is it. What's my power-zone. shelter. expertise. navigation. CENTeR? What do i LET control&drive&motivate me. Each day. ReaLLY. Not just WORDs. What do I ThiNK?  How do I LivE? HoNeStLY. privately. truly. hmmm.....

here it is. here's my thought.  LiFE comes from the wheelhouse. It's a pLaCE of EnerGy. Love. Passion. It determines WHO i am. WhERe i'm going. What my SToRy is ABouT. AnD...after  PoNDeRinG. .....i can say hoNESTLy that it's my FaITH...my FAITH is my WheeLHouSE. My FAiTh. That's all.  Love & Hope IN Christ. My FAITH in JESUS. I'm madly in LOVE with Him. HE alone is the SOURcE for moving me upstream. His WORD. The TRuTH of the BibLE is my pOwEr-Zone. I can't EXpLaIn it really.  I JUST KNOW.  It's a magical mystery.  My faith in Christ....Moves the PADDLE. KeePs me GOInG.  gROWING. gROUNDED. ShELteRED. UnAffECtED.  happy. settled. thankful. ready for the next thing. unafraid of what's around the bend.

by GraCE. & gift.  Jesus is my WhEELhouSe.  It's through him. From him. In him. It's all Him.
It's JeSUS.  ;))

Subplot.

"Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love & good deeds." Hebrews 10:24

Life as StOrY is changing me. The way I see ordinary moments. My perspective on PeOpLe. How I'm spending time & making plans & thinking about God. Why conflict no longer TERrIFIES me.  I'm filled with anticipation & hope.  The winds have shifted & I've reset my sails.  Here's what I'm learning:  my LiTTLe life is a subplot in a BiG SToRy. I've been given AgEnCy (by ThE SToRyTeLLeR) to live out a compelling story. It's up to me to LiVe it. In order for a story to be compelling it must be meaningful & clear.  So I've been doing some clarifying. I believe WE are here to LovE GoD & LovE eaCh OthEr. We're HERe FOR One AnOThER. you&i. To sPuR & inSpiRe. NOT to COMPeTE. We're on the SamE TEaM (for goodness sake:). We fit together. Like puzzle pieces. We're OH SO different & we fill each others GaPs. We're MaDe to HeLp one another WiN. To ROoT FoR & ChEeR oN...turning OrDiNaRY lives....into ExTrAoRdiNaRy stories. Simply by LoVinG. We don't have to AGREe....but we can LOvE. We MUST LOvE.

One of my favorite storytellers Donald Miller says "Great stories have two components: The lead ChaRaCteR saves many lives and they are transformed in the process." LOvING PEoPLe SaVES THeM and TraNSfORmS us. We are SAvED & ChAnGeD by LOvE.  We can LOvE one another BETTeR by DOING the thing God created us to DO. (...painting. writing. gardening. mothering. teaching. driving. acting. nursing. doctoring. singing. fishing. riding. running. swimming. financial planning. decorating. sailing. coaching. cooking. typing. lawyering. counseling. hairstyling......&on.) What are YOu PaSSiOnATe about?  What BrINGS YoU gREaT DeLiGhT? DoIT. Do ThAT OnE ThiNg with GreAt LoVE. Partner up with God. You will be CONTagiOuS. YOU will SPUR us on to LOvE & DO. We each have one WiLD & PrECiOUs LiFe. It's happening. NOW. The films rolling. The story's being told. What are we waiting for....
Let's LIvE it.  It'll be FaBuLous. I promise;)

Story. (part 2)

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth....." Genesis 1:1

'Redeeming Love' by Francine Rivers. One of my MOST favorite books of all time. If you haven't read it. Do it. Now. You wont be able to put it down. I promise. It's captivating. Heart-rending. SO WORTH READING. I buy a new copy each summer. Read it & give it away.  I don't usually read a novel more than once. BUt. I'm CRaZY about THIS book. LOVE EVERY WORD. It's beautiful & tragic & ..(spoiler alert)...ends happy. EVeRy GiRL I know needs to read it. I must insist. It tells the StORY of Michael Hosea (think Tim Tebow).  His obedience to God. His pursuit of a girl named Angel (think of  any girl unworthy of Timmy).  The BOATLOAD of struggles & sufferings & conflicts& frustrations he endures to get what he WaNts....... & he WANTS the GiRL. She doesnt DESerVe him. She doesnt even WANT him back. STILL....He NEVER gives up.  BECauSe of LOVE...... He keeps pursuing Angel.  LOVE MOTIVATES him.....& in the end....LOVE ReDEEMS HER.

So...here's the reason I'm enchanted with this story.  It's an allegory. Michael represents God. Angel represents us. You & me. The STORY is absolutely UNBELIEvEaBLE. It makes NO SENSE. This BEAUTIFUL&AMAZING MAN......who could have ANY GIRL he chooses...picks the one who is the MOST UNWORTHY. The MOST MESSeD Up. The GIrL who has NOT ONE THiNg to GIVE in ReTURN. Nothing to offer EXCePT brokenness & trouble & heartache. And yet, she's the one he picks. She's his beloved........Just like us. God picks us. Me & you. We're His PRIZE. His BeLOvED. The reason He wrote the SToRY. His StORy. A SacRed RoMaNcE. I'm the MOST MESSeD-Up. YET.....He calls me His BriDe. His TreAsuREd Possession. He PURSUES me with a pErFeCt LOVE that I cannot even IMAGINE.  A GeNeRouS LOvE  that heals & protects & saves & meets my every need. A LOvE that OVERWhELMs me with HoPe & GrATiTUDe & JoY. A LOVE THaT REDEEMS me every.single.day.....of my LIFE. WOwEeE. What a STORY. I still can't believe I get to be the GiRL. But....I'm SO veRy VeRy GLAD i am;))

Story.

"Commit to The Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

I went to a 'Storyline' conference in San Diego last weekend. All by myself.  It was put on by a few of my VERY FaVOriTe  authors. I was the girl sitting in the front row for two days WiDe-EyEd and MesMeRiZed. They spoke of God & Life & Story. I HEARD SO MANY BeAuTiFul THiNgS told by truly BeAUtIFUl  peoPLe. They used words like WHeeLHouSe & AgEncy & SubPLoT. They shared personal DrEAMs & PaSsioNs & TrAnSforMaTioNs. They asked lots of  brilliant QUeStIoNs. LiKe: What will the world MISS if you don't tell your story? What IS YOuR story? Is it MeAniNgFuL?  Do you know WHO you are? Do you know WHAT you want? Can you identify the CONFLICT? What's the PLAN to get there?  What are the STAKES?  Phew. I know. Deep. SO....If.....I can AnSWeR those questions....I'm LiVInG a GrEAt SToRY. Strong sense of MEaNiNg. Isn't THaT what we're ALL after? A MeAnIngfuL LifE that tells a FAbULouS STORY.  I say YES;).  I know I am.

EVERy single WoRd said over the weekend (&there were BiLlioNs;)  InSpIRed me. SerIouSly. INSPIRED every cell in my body. They SPOkE my language.  I've been asking GOD the same question for the past year. HOw do I LiVe a BETtEr STORy? The EXpERiEnCe I'm having in LiFe is My RespOnsibilitY. It's up to me. I get this AWESoMe chance to EdiT my life. CHaNge some thInGs. Re-FraMe. Re-StruCtuRe. Drop & add.  Plus...GoD's the BESt STORyTeLLeR.  It's the MoST EXCiTinG thought EVER that I am a pArT of HIS BEAUTIFUL OSCAR-WORThY;) STORY. Adventure&Love&Conflict&Transformation.  I'm IN.  How about YoU? How can YoU LiVe a BETTeR StoRy? Starting today. Let's InSPiRe EaCh OtHeR;).

Mothering.

"Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the sky." Psalms 36:5

My eNtiRe life CHaNgeD when I became a MOM. It was SHoCKIng. A wild & fierce LoVE took hold of my HEaRt. I still haven't ReCoVeRed.  I have a hard time remembering anything before KidS. It's like in the Wizard of Oz when EvERytHinG is in black & white until they FiNaLLy get to OZ and suddenly...BAM!...CoLoR.  BRILLiaNt & bEAuTiFuL. ChRySTaL CLaritY. CRAZy LOvE. So SUrPRISING. IT cOmPLetLeY wREcKeD me. For-EVeR. Challenging. Refining. Humbling. Overwhelming me. It's ScARy. It's SaCreD. It's MaGiCAL. It's the BeSt GIfT.

 SO.......OvErNigHt.....My TwO little people got BiG. Born & RaiSed. Move to faraway places. Living their OWN liVeS. Making their OWN plans. Dreaming their OWN dreams. Figuring things out. LearNinG BIg lessons. ON. THEIR. OWN. Being their cool grown-up selves. Brave.  Resilient. Full of adventure. AND the thing is..actually.....I'm happy to report... I'M FINALLy getting GOOd with NOT being in CHARgE of THEM.  NOT knowing their eVErY mOvE. I'm no longer RuNninG The SHoW. Apparently, I'm NoT the BOSS of either one of them AnYmOrE. EvER AGaIN.  They're gLaD about it.  I'm GLaD about it.  (Jeff's really glad about it:) It's Tricky. & Lovely. & a Relief.  We're slowly learning a new way of BEING with each other.  It feels right & good. Healthy. Grown up & FUn. I SEE my KIdS in a new LIgHt.  I REaLLy REaLLy LIKE them. Exactly the WAY they ARe. We're becoming good FRIeNds. I LoVE that;)

This fiERcE kind of LOVE. It's not NEW. It started with God. & His own SON.  ThEn. Came to US & OUrS.  It's TRUSTWORThY & UNCoNdITIoNAL. SAfE & UnEnDinG. REDEEMInG. TRUE. It's FAiTHFul. EVERyWHERE. In SacRamEnTo. in SaNtA bARbARA. WHERevER my TWO ARE....HE is THERe. HIS FiErCe LOVE keeps THEm. No WoNdErinG. nO WoRRyinG.

Oh. and for the record... MY FiERcE LOVE is NOTHING compared to HIS. yep. HArd to IMaGINE.
But....REALLy ReAlly helpful for a Mama to KNOW. ❤

Growing.

".....& to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:19

I love to ShOp. Have I mentioned that yet? If not. I'm gonna tell you now. I'll tell you ALL about it.  I think SHOPpInG is SUPER FuN. I wish I could say I was a FrUgAL shopper. You know...the girl who goes to Marshall's. TJ Maxx. Walmart. etc etc etc....Looks for sales. Finds the DEALS..cuts the coupons......but I can't. I don't. I wish I could. I've never been HER. (dang it)    Here's the painful TRuTh. I rEaLLy LOVE Nordstrom. Pottery Barn. Target. (Crate&Barrel. Bloomingdales. LULuLemon. etc etc etc..........) A LOt. I know. It's BaD. A little embarrassing really. BuT seriously...have you seen the  CUTE STUfF in these places. People. Like. WOW. Especially right NOW. In the SPRINg. Are you kidding me. The new Tory Burch Flats. I could just die. PrEttY ThInGs. NEW ThInGs. Yes. PLEaSe;)) all day.

Shallow. Unspiritual. Superficial. Materialistic. Wasteful. .......I know. I get it. I ReaLizE it ALL. You can't tell me anything that I don't already TELL MYSeLf.  Trust me. I'm 51 years old.  I've loved JESuS AND SHOppInG (in that order, mostly;) my ENTIrE life. It's not the SHOPpInG that gets in the way so much. It's the SPEnDIng. These places GiVE me CreDit Cards for heavens sakes.  Can you believe it?  What are they thinking? I am NoT to be trusted with CReDit CArds. I get CARrIED away. I think there is some kind of MaGiC DusT they sprinkle on me when I walk through their doors. ANYWAY......I think you get the picture. Here's the point:  I GAVe Up SHOPpInG for LENT.  I have a DEbt that I need to pay. My DebT is what has been in the WAY. So. I'm taking care of it. I've actually been taking care of MANY things that have been IN THE WAY. Of LoViNg God. Loving pEoPLe. OF GROWING.  OF Being a HEALTHY & HAPPy gIRL.  FiLLED UP TO THE FULLeSt MeASuRe. That's my GOAL. FILLed  UP With GOOd.  with GOD. with LOvE.❤

p.s. BUT if SoMeHoW I  ACCIDENTALLY  end up at Talulas or The Green Thumb in the next 40 days & you happen to SeE me...point me towards the doors and give me a gentle shove.... I'll thank you later;))

Beauty.

".....her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart." Luke 6:45

ImAGiNe living in a community of people who are beautiful. No. I mean TRULY BEAUTIFUL. People who are transparent.  Women who don't gossip.  Have no time to judge or CriTiciZE.  Girls who have a generous & kind spirit. Ones who are so busy doing good things that they don't have time for nonsense.  A place where I am SAFE to tell my secrets & sins & fears & hopes & dreams...laid out...open for all to see. And then sense a collective sigh of relief. Whisperings of me too. me too. yes. meee tooooo.   I KNOW.  THIS is where true BEAUTY lives.  In...honesty. transparency. humility. brokenness. love.

 You see. WE ALL have them. Secrets. Sins. Fears. Hopes. Dreams. We do. They're smushed together deep inside. Sometimes smothered by a bunch of other stuff.  Hard to get to. Tough to See.  Speak. Understand. A little overwhelming. Scary. And so we PREtEND.  Hoping they resolve themselves. Go away quietly. Holding our breath. Really really really..hoping....NO ONE finds out. Because you know.....good christian girls are..supposed to be..well.....GOOD.   It FEELS as if I'm the only one carrying this load. All this not-so-good. And then..... something unexpected happens. Surprising. Out of the blue. A GOOd christian GiRL shares her secrets. Her sins. Her crap.  Her deep down scary stuff.  Huh. She's brave. Honest. Open. And BEAUTIFUL. Her story feels a little like mine. Yet. Her HEART speaks LOVE. Healing. Hope. something true. I hear it. I feel it. Her heart is filled with GrAcE. The light ShINeS through her brokenness. aahh. I get it.  Grace. It's all GRaCE. beautiful grace.

listen to this. "FRiEndSHiP is born that moment when one person says to another: 'WHAT?  you too? i thought i was the OnLy one.'"  c.s. lewis.         (yep. it's grace;)

L's.

"He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and it's people are like grasshoppers."  Isaiah 40:22

I'm calling this post L's.  The letter L. Lots of L's.  Loss&Lent&Love.  Pretty much sums up whats been happening over here. Lots of all of that. LOTS. My heart is Tender. Repentant. Full.  I kinda like how things hit all at once. I know. Weird.  But it sure gets my attention. When the waves come and then keep coming....and then hit again.....I'm AWARE of  the ONE who keeps me standing. A little salty & sandy. BUt. Still Standing. Hopeful. Breathing.  Shakey yet fine. Really very FINE. I get some NEEdEd perspective. And here it is.... I am BUT DUST. A grasshopper. Not that big of a deal. I have a tendency to get carried away.  All my GIGANTIC PLANS & ridiculous expectations. hopes. dreams (yada yada)......are really just small & unimportant. Insignificant. You know. i mean...In the BIG picture. There is a REALLy BiG PICTUrE. Massive. God's in charge of it.  I'm not. Good to know. Helpful to remember. He's got this.

So...in that light...My vote is that it's not a coincidence that Lent Day & Valentine's Day sit side by side this week. To me they both mean the same thing. This LIFE. At the end of the DAY is ALL aBoUt LOVING GOD & LOvING PEOPle. That's ALL. Every road leads back to THIS.  LENT&LOVE.  Lent: SToP doing stuff that gets in the way.  Love: StARt doing stuff that matters.  I'm not kidding. Why do I make things COMpLiCATEd. A BIggEr deal than it is. When it's all rEaLLy SIMpLE.  Silly me. Seriously. Come on....How much can GOd expect from a bunch of GrASsHOPPeRs anyway?  We're cute but just not that smart;)

Grand.

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the fields will clap their hands." Isaiah 55:12

Vivian Olive Kenneth.  My Grama. Grams. My GRAND-ma. She was something special. Spectacular, really.  No one like her. One of a kind. She passed away last night. Peacefully. Went HOME. She was ready. Well... Kinda.  Her mind was still SO SHARP. Amazing. Clear. Strong. Quick. BUT the rest of her....her body...not so much. Her body was Weary. Weak. Frail.  She became sad and frustrated.  Bed bound. She suffered. It was a struggle to keep a smile on her face and hope in her heart. And so....because of this.....she was ready for HOME. Vivian was not one to WANT to LIvE without a SMILE & a HOPe. She couldn't fake it. She was BORN to LIVE IT UP. To dance & sing & play cards & play piano & swim laps & plant flowers & feed her birds & travel the world. Not one for laying around.

Ninety Four Years of LIFE. 94.  That's a lot of living. She had such ZEST for everything FUn. She taught us how to celebrate. Be adventuresome. Spontaneous & SASSY.  Even when you get old.  ESPECIALLY when you get old;)  She was SO FUNNN. Rode waterslides with us in her seventies. Laughing LOUD the whole way down. Always up for a trip. Adventure. Game of cards. Party. LOVED HOLIdAYS. She was a BEAUTY. StYlish. Wore RED & a coiffered Hair-Do. Sold AVON like a champ. Never told a lie. Even if it might spare your feelings. You knew EXACTLY how she felt. About your hair. Your outfit. The gift you bought her. ETC. If she didn't like it. She said. (So FUNNY.)  Just layed it all right out in the open. I kinda liked that about her. We got a kick out of her. She got a kick out of life. She's given us such stories. Everyone of them makes us LAUGH.  She was a lover of living. She loved her family (us lucky ones) WILdLY & PASsIOnATLy. We're gonna miss her SO. Her spunk. Her sparkle. Her laughter. Her face. She was something special. Someone WORTh REmEMBERInG. SHE was GRAND. ❤

Fearless.

"God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love & of self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

I'm preparing a talk I'm giving in a couple weeks. At the beginning stages of reading & taking notes. It's about FEAR.  How fear robs us of LIfE. How it keeps us STuCK. How it tricks us into thinking we're not GOOD enough. SMART enough. PRETTY enough.  JUST NOT ENOUGH. Fear is Slick. Sleezy. Subtle. It doesn't play FAIR.  Fear keeps my mind distracted with worry about every POsSIBLE thing that could GO WRONG in my life. Fear disguises itself: It babbles. Is frantic. Comes unglued. Freaks out. Blames. Hides. Makes me insecure. Shallow. Bossy. Restless......Fear keeps me isolated. Small. Bound. Holding my breath.....(and I could go on & on).....I know, huh. It's UGLY. Fear is just ugly. And it WANTS to stay incognito. Unnamed. Hidden.  OR it might lose its GRIP. Hmmmm....

Well...... So. That's IT. If I SEE it...RECOGNIZE it...call it out....FEAR just might lose its GRIP on me. Might have to get the heck OUT of my life.  Okay then.  WHAT EXACTLY am I AFrAID of???  I guess I can begin THERE. A good place to start....& while I'm THERE......I'll take 2 Timothy 1:7 with me....'God has GIVEN ME a spirit of POwER. Of LOvE. Of SELF-Control.'  Ha! Take THaT.   We DON'T HAVE to be FEaRFUL. Like EVeR.  We have a FEARLESS SPIRIT.  God has given us His Spirit. He's FEARLESS.  Fearless is LOVELY. Breathtaking. Gentle. Peaceful. Graceful. BEAUTIFUL. We're beautiful. We're brave. We CAN do hard things. We're FEARLESS BeAUTIES. You & me.

So FEAR. Here's the THING: I'm breaking up with you. For good. And we are NEVER EVEr EVeR getting back together. Like EVER. ;))

Endings.

"And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ..." Ephesians 3:17-18

I need a happy ending. I won't WATCH the show or read the book or go to the movie IF it doesn't  end happy.  The Brady Bunch was my very favorite TV show. (1970's;)Why? Well, obviously. THE House. THE Parents. THE Kids.......& of course, ALICE. Helloooo.  I wanted to LIvE on that show. It was all SO HAPPY.  My young & naive self thought that we were getting a glimpse into a real-life family. It was POSSiBLE. Families could actually BE like The Brady's.  If EVERyONE just worked together & DID what they were SUPPOSED to do...FOLLOwED THe SCRiPT.....family life would be so EASY....& HAPPY. Conflicts resolved in 1/2 hour. Problem solved. No mess. I LOVED that show. A Happy Ending. Every time. I wish real life were more like that. But ALAS......

Real life is MESSy. People screw up. Relationships are HARd. Not always. But....SOMETIMES. Sometimes people we LOVE hurt us. Sometimes they disappoint. Sometimes they make bad decisions. And...it takes TIME to heal. TIME to work it out. TIME to forgive. To resolve. To pray & get perspective. Sometimes it ends happy. Sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes it's just complicated.
That's real life. For EVeRyOnE. No one escapes. So....I DON'T put my hope in my relationships.  My HOPE is NOT in my kids. Not in my husband.  Not in my family. As much as I LIKE them. I realize we are not a BUnCH of Brady's.
What I DO have my hope in...the SURE THiNG...the one thing that ensures a HAPPY ENDING is the LOVE of JESUS.  I understand (grasping a bit of) the depth & width & length & height of this LOVE.  THIS LOVE keeps redeeming me.  It OVERWHELMs me with HOPe. HOPe for a REaL LiFE HApPy ENDING. The script that has already been written. And this SToRY...my StORY...your StORY...ends WELL. It's a happy ending. Because in the END....LOvE WINS.  love always wins:)

Cousins.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm & secure." Hebrews 6:19

My cousins Bobby & Jude came to the bungalow for the weekend.  We sat by the campfire with wine and remembered. Reminisced. Re-told the STORIES. They get better with age;) The childhood stories of growing up in a close-knit family with 13 cousins. THiRTeEN. My Grama McCarthy was a SAiNt. I felt it as a little girl and KNoW it as fact NOW. She & Grampa lived in a small & cozy house on Dore Drive. Most of my happiest memories were THERe.  She created this rich & magical place for us ALL to land on the weekends. To grow. To connect. To play. To be TOGETHER. We were Loud. Messy. Hungry. Busy. Grama made hundreds of pancakes on Saturday mornings. Grampa built a table that sat 13 littles perfectly. We each had our spot. Our sacred cousin club. McCarthy/Wicks Clan. We told secrets. Sang songs. Played games..... Kick the Can. Tag Around the House. Friday night sleep overs on the back porch. Side by side on foam mats. We were safe. Grounded. Anchored. Affirmed. Loved. We belonged. Cousins. Best friends. No place I'd rather be.

God knew we would need one another. To help with our own stories. To keep us anchored & tethered. Hopeful & a part of something MOrE than ordinary. Bigger than ourselves. He wove a golden thread through each of our hearts and linked us for-ever. Our roots are deep and rich. We're fiercely loyal. We are all so different and yet the SAME.  Our story is still being written. Being passed down to the fourth generation. They feel this connection, too. Our Family Reunions. MAGICAL. Stinkin' FUN. It's ALL still there. Love & laughter & songs & Memories. I think this is what Grama hoped for. Prayed for. This family of hers. We would LAST. We would KNoW we belong. Bound together by LoVE. Anchored by the One who created us. Firm & Secure. Hopeful & Happy. Fun & Magical. Cousins: A BRILLIANT IDEA. (Thank You God;)

Secret.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I'm attracted to people who are HAppY. The ones who shine from the inside out. Who look on the bright side and who's cup is  half FULL. People who have a playful spirit & speak helpful words & look at life through the eyes of GRaTiTudE.  You know the ones. They're EAsY.  They're StEaDy. SOLid. They're the SAME.......SaMe as in NOT mOOdY. NEEdY. CRiTiCAL. WHiNeY. EgGShELl-Y. SAmE as in I know what to EXPECT. Life-GIVErS. Not life-SUCKERs.  I'm on the LOOKout for These PEoPLE. Yep. They're out there. i KnOw a bunch of 'em. THeY have a SeCrET.  & I have a HUnCH  about it......

The SeCRET might start HERE.  1THeSSaloNiAns 5:16-18.  This little baby hidden treasure. Read it AGAIN. sLOwLY. OuTlOuD. It's super amazing. Eye opening. Simple. Sweet & Hopeful.  God's WILL for us. THIS is what He PlANs for us.  Wants for us. Dreams for us. You & me.  The apostle PauL discovered it. He KNEw it.  liVEd it. Circumstances ASIDE. (He had a pretty ROUgH GO.) The SeCRET to LIFE. "Be JOYFUL. Be PRAYErFuL. Be ThANKFUL."  Joy. Prayer. Gratitude...... Listen.  He says to us: 'BE THIS'.  & so it makes me think that it's entirely POsSIBLE.  Probable even. An attitude. A practice. A habit. A CHOiCE. Counting blessings & Giving thanks. It turns into a boatload of JOY. IT DOES. FOR SURE. It's the SEcReT. Give it a TRY. WHO couldn't use a little more JOY.  There's always RoOM for MORE JOY.  Right?

"It's not JOY that makes us GRATEfUL. It's GRATITUDE that makes us JOyFUL."   BAM.
And there you have it;)     Yippee!

Writing.

"I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." Lamentations 3:24

I took a week off from writing. It wasn't an intentional vacation but it was needed. It started last Saturday. We had three whole days together at the beach with friends. I wanted to Be PRESeNt. ENJOy my people. Not HAVE to DO anything. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this new found JOY. This WRITING. An UNEXPECTEd DELIGHT to my SOUL.......BUT. It. iS WORK. It's DISCIPLiNE. It'S NOT EASY & QUIcK. Not for ME anyway. I'm So SLOW. I'm NOT A WRITER. It doesn't come NATURAL. It takes me HOURS to get just a WEE THOUGHT down on paper. I think mostly because I NEED it to be TRUE. REAL. HONEST. VALUABLE. ENcOUrAGING.    &SO......it takes TIME. A BIG block of time. It can't be RUSHEd. Or SQUEEZeD In.   I SIT. I pray. I ThiNk. I listen. I REad. I take notes. I WAIT..... Drink 10 cups of hot tea..... & THEN......about 4 hours later;).....I WRiTE.

This PROCESS is God's SNEAKY way of getting me to LOOK at Him. To See Him.  REaLly listen. REALly HeAR. ABiDE. ENJoY. SOAK IN. dRINK IN. mAKE some SeNSE. OF. LIFE.  Things that were FUZZy  become CLEAr.  Random thoughts settle down and work themselves into a SToRY. Words get strung together that speak TRuTH about REAL LIFE. My LIFE. oUr LiVES.
It's important. This process.  It's the 'WORK'  He's assigned to me for today. The outcome is not even the POiNt. The PROCESS is the point. The learning to ABIDE & LIsTeN. To think things through.....all the WAY through to the 'AHA' part. Pay ATTENTION & FOCUS as long as it takes to get to the POinT. The LESsON.  I want it to MATTeR. To CHaNGe me.  Make me BRaVEr. SOFTeR. KInDER. MORE PATIENT. More like HiM.  So I WAIT & I WRITE.  HOPInG HopiNG HOPinG the PROCESS is making me MORE LIKE HIM.    Pen in hand & fingers crossed;))

Heat.

"This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver & test them like gold. They will call my name and I will answer them; I will say,'They are my people' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.'"
Zechariah 13:9

I just got home from Bikram Yoga. It was AWEfUL.  I'm DRENCHeD & TIREd.  AND... It was AMAZING. I'm exhilarated & happy. Aweful & Amazing. SO GLaD I went.  It's not EASy to go. I have to talk myself into it most days. The class is HARD. No joke. It's RIDiCULoUS. 90 minutes of yoga in a tiny room (think attic) that's 105 degrees. Yep. HOT. Bakersfield summer HOT. As Hot as you can imagine. It's vigorous. I sweat. PROFUSELY. 30 of us sweating profusely.  (So, you know, it SMELLS...) Not only do I CHoOsE to torture myself...I PAY to torture myself.  It costs money to do this. It all seems AWEFUL.
Until AFtERWaRDs. Then. AMAZING.

See...it's the HEAT that brings the BEnEFIT. I wouldn't GO to the class if it wasn't HOT.  I couldn't DO the class without the HEAT.  It's ESsENTIAL.  Flexibility. Strengthening. Blood flow. Detoxifying. SO WORTH the SWEAT.  The same goes in life. When the HEAT is turned UP. When HaRD things are happening. When we're SWEAtING. Suffering. God is REFINING. Making better. Stronger. More flexible. He's PURIFYiNG and DEtOXING. Like gold. He brings us through the heat of the fire for a PURPOSE. He says to consider it JOY, even.  BECAUSE of the BENEFITS. HEAT=Trial=>Testing=>Perseverance=>Maturity. MATURITY EQUALS: Steadfast. Lacking nothing. BEAUTIFUL & Complete.  There is NO EASY WAY through the process. The process is AWEFUL. We just have to ENDURE & TRUST & SWEAT it out. Believe that the OUtCOME will be worth it.

And it is. So worth it. Mature & complete lacking nothing. We are HIS.  Now that's AMAZING;)

Plans.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

 I met Jeff in September 1980.  Our first year in college. He a football player. Me a cheerleader. A mutual friend introduced us. Huge CRuSH.  Christian. Dreamy. Smart. Ambitious. Athletic. Sexy. Funny. Super Duper Nice. (not to mention...wranglers & boots...come on;)  CLEARLY he was THE ONE. My HOpe & FUTURE.  He was the boy that I had been telling God about.  I prayed for this guy. He SHOWED UP.  We started making PLANS.  Dated all 4 years of college. (Well...except for a quick & painful 6 month hiatus to date other people...just making SURE;)  August 1984 we married. SO MAGICAL. So IN LOVE. SO YOUNG. Had A WHOLE BUNCH of GROWING UP to do. And we did. We have. We STILL ARE. Together. GROWING UP.

These are God's PLaNS for us: TO GROW UP. Get over Ourselves. Stop manipulating/controlling/fixing.  Trust Him to lead us. LOvE like He does. Forgive a million times a day. Give undivided attention. Speak kind words about and to. Tell the truth. Work hard. Never give up. Get wise counsel. Pick good friends. Have fun together. Enjoy one another. Be a team.
THIS IS our HOPE & FUTURE. THESE were the plans all along. That Jeff & I grow up and learn to love one another well. And we are. We have been practicing for 29 years. I learned his language. He learned mine. Jeff KNOWS what makes me feel loved.  He takes GOOD CARE of me.  He's my favorite person. EvER.
God has GOOD plans for us. Good plans for YOU. Plans to prosper & not harm. To give you a Hope & a Future. It just takes a little time & trust & teamwork;))

Pleasing.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

Some friends and I have been having on-going conversations about "People Pleasing."  I know a lot about this subject/ailment/disease/affliction/SIN because I've been SO GOOd at it most of my life.  One friend described it perfectly: "the IRRATIONAL NEED for people to LIKE ME".  That's IT. SO COMPLETELY IRRATIOnAL. Even saying it out loud now sounds CRAZY. WHY in the WORLD do I CARE so much if people like me? I'm not sure if I was born with IT or if I just became addicted to the need to WIN APPROVAL.   Either way....IT'S dangerous & unhealthy. It's SO EXHAUSTING. I know it NOW.  I recognize all the signs NOW.

I've come a Million miles in a Thousand years. I've worked REaLLy HARD at it. MORE THan AnytHINg else...i WANT HEALTHY relationships. I've practiced being OK with disapproval. I've learned to stop trying to manage other people's opinions of me. I've gotten really good at being HoNeSt. I recognize manipulative & toxic relationships and get the heck out of them. I don't spend time with people who are critical & gossip-Y. That right there saves ALOT of TROUbLE. I simply DON'T CARE that much anymore whether you like me or you don't.  I let go of the NEEd to be liked. Approved of. Whatever. Jesus healed me. I care what He thinks. I KNoW He likes me. And that's all I need. 'What anyone else thinks of me is really none of my business'.  ;)

Dad.

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love." Psalms 103:8

I've been thinking a lot about my dad. He turned 76 in September. We had a big shindig last year in Lake Tahoe for his 75th birthday. So glad. We were all there. Siblings. Spouses. Grandkids. Cousins. Aunts. Uncles. Nephews. Nieces.  It was a very sweet weekend honoring a very dear man. No man enjoys his family more than this one. He has such tenderness towards each one of us. Being together is his favorite place to be. We have a giant family with a gigantic love for one another. He's in the middle of it all. Dearly loved, admired and appreciated.

 He raised us 4 McCarthy kids WELL.  Just a remarkable father.  I called him daddy. He called me Kymmie Dee. Compassionate. Slow to anger. Abounding in love. Quick to laugh and hug. Game for adventure & fun. A fireman. A fixer & builder. Electrician. Plumber. Mechanic. Craftsman. You name it. He can do it. The one we could always count on. He came through. Left for work in the mornings happy & singing. Came home at night the same. We knew what to expect. He taught us about hard work & commitment. You always finish what you start and you do it with a good attitude. He showed us what it means to serve others unconditionally. If someone needs help YOU help them. I've never known anyone who is a bigger helper than my dad. He's kinda famous for that. A more generous & gracious man you won't find. Loyal to family and friends like none other.

I could go on& on. So many qualities that make him extraordinary in my eyes. The thing he did BEST though....the thing that has made the biggest difference in my life....he LOVED me.  He loved us. Honestly, all those growing up years...when he had 3 teenagers in high school at the SAME TIME..it takes some kind of super hero to manage that. I never felt anything but completely loved & adored & accepted by my dad. I didn't question it. Never yearned for it. Never sought his approval. It was just THERE. To this day. No matter what. I'm beyond grateful & deeply blessed. My dad's love has shaped me. Given me a steadfastness. A sureness. His unconditional love is the reason I know I am loved & adored by God. Without question. My heart was primed to be accepting of the greatest love of all. Heaven on earth.

Tom McCarthy is a beautiful soul & a gorgeous human. He's a generous patriarch to our entire gang. I'm hoping some of his goodness & generosity of spirit rubs off on me and the generations to come.  Being his daughter is one of the happiest, sweetest & deepest joys of my life. I couldn't be more proud. If I could choose any daddy in the world. I'd pick mine.

       

Kindness.

"A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones. "Proverbs 15:30

San Luis Obispo County stopped giving out shopping bags at their grocery stores. Well....all stores, really. Save The Earth. It's awesome. I'm all for it. Amazing idea. I've wanted to be more of a recycler. A green girl. I admit that so far I've been REALLY bad at it. SLO county is forcing me to THiNK.  Bring my own bags. Plan ahead before I go shopping. (Which may or may not happen regularly;)). Anyways....I usually show up at TJ's or Albertsons with a basket full of food and NO BaG. I forget. Dang. Not again.
This weekend was different. I remembered The BAG. I was so proud of myself. I was Green. Happy. Excited, even. (I REMEMBerEd!!) I just needed a few things so I put them in The BAG. Stood in line. Placed the BaG on the belt. Waited cheerfully for my turn. The checker lady looks at The BAG & looks at me. With a VERY grumpy VOICE & sour FACE says "BAD IDEA." She dumps The BAG of items out on the belt. Rings them up. Puts them back in the bag. (She never said another word to me, btw.). RUUUUDE.  Hmmmmm. OK. I guess I still didn't do it right. But REaLLy lady. Do you have to be so CRAnKy about it?  I'm TRYING.  I'm making progress. At least I showed up with The BAG, for heavens sake. How about a 'Cheerful Look' or a 'Kind Word'. That would have been NICE. Gosh.

All this to say: our Faces & Words MATTER. A LOT. A WINK & A SMILE goes a long way. Brings 'joy to the heart', even. A KINDNESS spoken gives 'health to the bones'.  It's a BIG DEAL to God. And to us. To me. I need to REMEMBER this. (Even if I'm having a bad day.) To be the ONE with the CHeeRful LOOK and the GOOd NEWs. I'm pretty sure it's contagious. Little by little I can spread some joy. I can make a difference. And hopefully I practice all of this at HOmE, too. Where it MATTErS MOST;)). Happy Monday.

Sunday.

"I have seen you in your sanctuary and beheld your power & your glory." Psalms 63:2

Today is Sunday. It's beautiful. Clear blue sky. Crisp cold air. Bright warm sun. Sparkly-twinkly ocean.
Spectacular morning. Golden.  I sleep in. Pull my bible out. Make my coffee. Bow my head. Read. Listen. Write. Put my running shoes on. Ear phones in. Head out to worship. This morning is set apart for focused worship when I run. It's Sunday. It's sacred. Holy. Special. I listen to 'Mercy Me' instead of 'Lady A'. I stop at the cliff and take it in. The beauty of the sea. The brilliant glistening God-created seashore.  I WORSHIP. My heart sings GLORY. My eyes well up. I sense the Divine. His presence. His pleasure. His power. THIS is His sanctuary. He is HERe. I behold Him. It's His day. I lift my eyes and see Him. I open my ears & hear. Raise my hands in praise. Bow my heart and I'm humbled.  To YOU O GReAT GOD be honor and glory. You are WORThY. Today. Everyday. But.....especially TODAY. Our day to WORSHIP.  Thank YOU, Father. Son. Holy Spirit. Yes...indeed. Thank you.  &Amen:))

People.

"A woman of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a sister." Proverbs 18:24

I love people. Love them. I find people enchanting. They fascinate me. When I was growing up I had big dreams of a life filled with fabulous people. The more the merrier. I saw such potential in everyone. I learned new things.  Made friends easily. I was fearless, really.  Built relationships. Thought it thrilling to meet new people. Jumped in and introduced myself. No reservations. No hesitations. So many interesting folks to get to know. I was inspired by GReAT PEOPLE. Still am. I NEEdED CONNECTION. Still do. God wired me for relationships. He wired us all for relationships. Actually...it's WHY we're HERE.

The thing about relationships is that they take TIME. ENERGY. HONESTY. LOVE.   I can have LOTS of  fabulous PEOPLE in my life (& i do;)  BUT I only have the RESOURCES for a FEW CLOSE HEALTHY RELAtIONsHIPS. BIG difference. It keeps life simple. When I'm clear about who MY MOST PRECIOUS ONES are....I have the TIME & ENERGY & HONeSTY & LOVE it takes to build a life-giving friendship with them. I am present. I listen. Give my undivided attention. They feel cared about. Know they're important to me. I'm not giving myself away to 100 OTHER PEOPLE who aren't MINE.  Mine are the ONES God gave me to give myself to. MY LOVES.  It's uncomplicated & satisfying. It took me a while to figure it out.  I'm a slow learner. (Sheesh.;)

Appearances.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2a

Appearing strong and capable and lovely is important. It is. It matters to all of us. On Facebook. At work. At school. Grocery store. Gym. Bible Study. Restaurants. Parties. Football games. We all look pretty much the same. Strong. Capable. Lovely. Marriage: Happy. Kids: Smart. We put on fancy clothes and smile bleach-y white smiles. Drive clean cars. That's just how it is. We wear our  BEST out in public. A little showy away from home. We are confident & together...alls well.  And some of it is true. A part of how I look is really me. But mostly it's appearance. The top layer. What's out front. The part I want you to see. The part of me I trust you with.  I'm hoping you think I'm kind of amazing. Lets be honest. That's the PATTERN of this world. Sparkly. Bright. Clean. Happy. It's easy to get tricked. To CONFORM. To play the game of "Appearances".

The GOOD NEWS: it's Ok to look our best. Clean. Bright. Sparkly. Happy.  Just so I UNDERSTAND that what I see isn't the whole story. OF COURSE it's not. We all have REAL lives behind the curtain. The US that matters most. This is where GOD is. He's helping us HERE. This is where He does His best work. In the deepest, truest places. Behind the bright & sparkly the world sees. He sees the REAL us.  He sees things completely different than the world does. What's important to the world is not to God. He LOVES the real me. He helps me to be comfortable & accepting & even a fan of me. I BELIEVE what He tells me. About Himself. About us. (He's the CrEaToR of us for goodness sakes.) I LiSTEN to His words. Believing is what RENEWS my mind. Gives me understanding. Insight. Love. I can even see behind the bright & sparkly of you. You're LOvELY. The real you. Just who you are. YOU'RE AWESoME. I hope you see it, too;)

Thoughts.

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2

I'm paying close attention to my thought-life. What I CHOOSE to think about. I'm serious about it. I need to be. Such heartbreak all around. Crazy things going on in our beautiful nation. Politically & morally. BIG problems to worry about and talk about and focus on.  SCARY ISSUES.  FEAR & BLAME are trying their best to settle in and take over. We're a little twitchy and edgy and angry. We have strong opinions. We draw our lines & pick a side.  Our conversations turn heavy, dark & judg-y. Hopeless, almost. TROUBLE is here....accompanied by alarm & anxiety & stress. In the newspaper...on the television..... Everywhere.  It's confusing. Painful. Frustrating. And so so so SAD.

What I want to do is help. I don't want to be a part of the problem. So I pray. I ask for HELP.  For perspective. For healing. For grace. For love. For patience. For HoPe.  Dear Precious Savior. Save US.
We need you. I need you. I want to ThINk on what is TrUE. There is so much more going on then what we SEE and HEAR. God is Listening. He cares. He redeems. He is STILL in control. He is great and loving and compassionate. He is HOLY. He is eternal. He has good plans for us.  I SET my mind on things above..not on earthly things. It works. It's a choice. My thoughts. They make who I am.
They determine my condition. Peaceful. Or. Crazy. ("Cray" as Clancy says;)  When my thoughts TURN to worry....I become a DRAIN. On my people. I suck the life right out of my people. I know this. SO I CHOOSE to think on things eternal.

"BE A FOUNTAIN, NOT A DRAIN."  Amen.

Discipline.

"An undisciplined, self-willed life is puny; an obedient God-willed life is spacious." Proverbs 15:32 Message

The gym has been PACKED this week. I'm not kidding. People EVErYwHERe. I love it.  I love that these folks have an eagerness to CHaNGE. Yay YOU!!!! New Year Resolutions. The dream of being different. The gym resonates with the loud beautiful noise of possibility.  I'm inspired.  Disciplined people and practices inspire me.  Doing hard things. Sticking with it for the long haul. Fiercely determined.  Building new habits. Training vs.Trying.  Training is wildly exciting and equally terrifying. When I train....I have a goal. Something I'm wanting to do that I can't do today by simply TRYING.  So I come up with The PLaN. The PLaN takes forethought and energy & a little creativity. It means I have to rearrange some things in my life. Maybe even write The PLaN down on a calendar or something. Take a look at what needs to GO. Make room for this NEW thing. God helps. Because He knows I'll  need help. We all need help when it comes to change. It's good to know this. Then it's not so terrifying. I'm not alone. I've got what I need to do it. I usually TELL someone so I can't back out. I have some accountability....someone close by to hand me water and cheer me on & REMIND me how GoOD this is for me.

This NEW THING is really an obedience to God thing. It's actually between Him & I.  He likes discipline. He thought it up because He knew my life would be PUNY without it. All of our lives are small & puny & chaotic without discipline.  So we begin again. We get up early and go to the gym. We're off to a good start. Yay US!!!!

Seasons.

"She is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither." Psalm 1:3

I'm comfortable with change. I welcome new seasons. It gives me a chance to refresh and renew and revive my ways. I look forward to Spring after a foggy & cold winter. Fall is a relief following a LONG HOT summer. Change is good and healthy and natural. My life is a flurry of seasons and changes and transformation. After a FULL & JOY-FILLED (yet exhausting;) season of raising kids....who, btw, are quite LOvELY.......we have entered a New & Quiet & TRANQUIL season of REST. Empty nest= REST.  I LOVE REST.  So weird. So surprising.  I never really paid much attention to it. Never really ENJOYED it. I'm geared more towards ACTIVITY.  I'm normally a very BUSY girl. A COLORFUL calendar. LOTS of people & appointments & commitments & parties.  BUT......NOT this season. This season I'm resting. I don't even own a calendar. Seriously.  I have SPACE. Space in my mind and in my heart and in my day. I take my sweet time.  I'm unrushed. Unhurried. Available. Maybe even a bit lazy. I'm OK with it. It's progress, actually.

I know it won't last forever. It's a season. I don't want to waste it. So.... I'm observing. Paying attention. Listening. Soaking in. Abiding. Growing. Drinking deep. Enjoying. Giving thanks. Grateful for the fruit;)

Friends.

"She who WALKS WITH THE WISE grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20

So thankful for you my dear friend. I'm crazy about you. You add such joy to my everyday life. I admire you and trust you and know that hanging out with you makes me BETTER. I'm better because of you. You are smart and funny and talented. I'm so very proud of you. You love your husband...you're kind when you speak of him. You're an amazing mom. You work so hard at it. I listen and take notes because I want to mother like you do. You know what's important in this life. I love that about you.
 You are honest and grown up.......you don't play silly games with me.  If you're hurt or confused about something I've done or not done, you tell ME. Of course, you speak to God first about the whole thing and if that doesn't settle it...You love me and trust me enough to TELL ME.  No guessing. No games.
You breathe life into me and cheer me on. You don't compare your stuff with my stuff; you just love me and want good things for me. You pray for me. You love my kids. You speak words of truth to me. I can count on you. You do what you say you will do. You invite me to your parties, which is my favorite part;) Our friendship is FUN and REAL and HEALTHY. I'm sure it makes God smile. He smiles because our friendship is a delight to Him.
He made us for one another. To inspire, encourage, root for and LOVE.  It's really important to Him.
You are a wise woman. Your WISDOM rubs off on me! That's God's promise. Thanks for walking with me.  The journey is a BLAST because of YOU;)  I love you so.

Details.

"Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is she who trusts in the Lord." Proverbs 16:20

I heard a sermon this morning. It was great.  AWESOME, actually. About wisdom & folly and how all of the millions of teeny tiny decisions I've made have made MY LIFE.  What I say, what I think, what I eat, what I read, where I go, who I'm with, what I do, how I work, when I rest. These seemingly small and insignificant details actually are a BIG DEAL. HUGE. The difference between a good life & a bad life.  Pretty simple, huh? Wise choices=good life. Foolish choices=bad life.
I don't mean "The Good Life" in the "Having it All Life" way.  I mean it in the "I'm doing the best I can to heed instruction & have a teachable spirit" way.  Carefully. Living a bit carefully. Not super eager to jump in and follow the fun. Careful to discern the exciting voice of "Folly". She sounds fun and fancy and very tempting at times.  Her appearance is alluring. She looks harmless, almost.  BUT, I KNOW BETTER.  I'm very aware of the cost. Sometimes the cost is a ruined life. So I'm careful. I want a good life. I want to be a WISE OLD LADY some day.
So I do my best to stay teachable. To keep my heart soft towards Jesus. To listen. Trust. To heed instruction. Teeny decisions. Paying attention to the details. It's the details that MAkE a LIFE.

Celebrate.

"This is the day The Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24

I run. I'm a runner. I've been doing it for so long now that it is just a part of  who I am. So I call myself a runner. I count it as one of my favorite gifts. God knew I would need to run. I'm pretty sure God WANTS me to run. He gave me the inclination and desire and some awesome shoes;)  For the most part.....I run alone.  Some mornings I don't particularly feel like running but I do it anyway. I do it because of what happens while I'm running. Something magical happens.  God speaks. He does. I hear words of truth and life and hope. My spirit lifts and lightens. I sense a slight shift in my attitude...it is refreshed. Seriously. So many miracles. Who knew?
I'm energized. Body. Mind. Spirit. I celebrate. It's a little party! This morning (while partying;)  Psalm 118:24 popped in my head. Today is THE DAY to celebrate. TODAY. Right now. This day is a gift. Nothing super special about the day...just so very thankful for the possibilities......To love. To forgive. To encourage. To hope. There is such HOPE in this day. So many reasons to run & sing & dance & celebrate! How we need to CELEBRATE!! I need to celebrate! To rejoice. To be glad.

And so......I RUN;)

Honestly.

"The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their DUPLICITY." Proverbs 11:3

Duplicity. Yikes. Just writing this word scares me a little.  For some reason duplicity comes easy for part of me.  Not that I WANT to be deceitful or PLAN to be dishonest but more because I am in the HABIT of pretending.  I pretend because I am afraid not to. FEAR keeps me on that hampster wheel of  "HAVING IT ALL".  It's extremely EXHAUSTING.  Honestly. Pretending destroys me. It does. It makes my mind crazy & causes anxiety & hurts my relationships.........it needs to STOP.

And it is. It's stopping. I'm getting better. I don't have my act together. And I don't want to TRICK anyone into thinking that I do. I am just a girl who is doing the best she can with what she's got.  I see you the same way. We are all doing the best we can. God knows this about us. He KNOWS.  So it's OKAY. See it. Admit it.  & then....MOVE ON for goodness sake.

I'M ENOUgH. I don't have to PRETEND to be more or less than I already am. Honestly. Phew. What a relief;)

Happy.

"A heart at peace gives life to the body but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:30.

I'm a happy girl. I use the word "happy" in the "my heart is at peace" kind of way.  I am content and thankful and aware of all the goodness around me.  I don't know very much but I know THIS for sure: The grass isn't greener on the other side.  I've learned to spend my days watering my own grass.
I don't have a green thumb so this task is PLeNTY for me. I need help, of course, and so I sit with God quietly for a bit each morning to get some instruction & encouragement & LOVE.  Mostly, LOvE.  Because, really...it's His LOvE that keeps my heart happy. It keeps me tending my own yard.....with gratitude and wonder and contentment.  My husband. Wow. Really. How in the world did I ever get so lucky. He is/has been/will ever be the ONLY ONE. A long time ago I stopped COMPARING and started tending & watering & appreciating & loving.  It amazes me every single day how green our grass is.  It's all God though. Truly. His tending. His gardening. I give Him credit.
I have no idea what I'm doing;) I just know that I'm a happy girl. My heart is at peace.

Practicing.

I'm not a writer but I'd like to be so I'm being brave and starting.  I've decided 2013 will be the year that I practice writing. (A bit of honesty each day;)  so...here goes.

Just a thought....

"Kind words are like honey--sweet to the soul & healthy for the body." Proverbs 16:24
Some lovely friends & I gather on Wednesdays and read a few proverbs together..share a little from our hearts and then go our separate ways to practice what we read. 'Fear of The Lord. Honey-comb words. Wise heart. Fountain of life. Health to the bones.....' These are instructions from Solomon. The language of wisdom. Who I want (so desperately) to be. I know what it takes to grow...to change... Intention. Discipline. Practice. Time. More love. More grace.  2013. A year of possibility. "Pleasant words that bring healing to the bones." I'd like to get better at kind/pleasant words. Thinking them & feeling them & speaking them & now...writing them;)  They do SO MUCH GOOD. So...I'm committed to practicing.
Starting here;)

First Blog Test;)

Happy Happy New Year.  New year...new blog. Let's give this thing a try!