paying attention.

"Because your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise you." Psalm 63:3

I'm paying attention to the lovingkindness of God.  This day today filled with freedom. Blank space on my calendar.  Holding room to notice&protect the quiet hours.  The ones reminding me that He is here. He is with me.  The grace of one day. When my mind is quiet and still.  I feel my own breath.  Inhaling peace.  Exhaling gratitude. His spirit keeping me company.  He invites me into this secret place. It's sacred&holy. Effortless.  Whisperings of  I'm with you& I'm for you.  A private happiness.  It's what lovingkindness feels like to me.

 Also. Patio parties. The hours spent with people and food & music. Candles&tulips. Champagne & dancing and cigars.  I notice him here too.  In the sweet magic of these days&nights.  The way we're connected by laughter because every little thing is funny. Connected by beauty because every single soul is stunning. The air alive with belonging & energy &whimsy. Locking arms& holding hands.  Twirling&singing under stars & twinkle lights. Choreographed by a God who thought it all up.  Every good& sparkly moment.  A crowded happiness. This too feels like lovingkindness to me.

And then. When a neighbor drops by unannounced and sits on my sofa and tells me her secrets.  When I've hurt a precious friend and I meet her in a parking lot to apologize for my screw-up & she shows me more grace than I deserve. When my husband walks through the door at lunch with a bottle of fancy champagne because he feels badly about not recording the Oscars. When my kids call. When I text my people to come for tacos and they all show up to gather at the table. Anytime I receive an invitation. Or someone is brave enough to start a conversation that matters. Or sends a word of encouragement. Reads this blog. Smiles at me when I'm on a run. When I feel small but still valued. It's all lovingkindness. It's better than life& I'm paying attention.

this gorgeous life.

"Finally, sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." Philippians 4:8

Healthy people are drawn to healthy people. This is what I've been noticing. And by healthy, I mean anyone who takes full responsibility for her life.  To grow, change, evolve. She listens and observes and keeps her heart&mind open to possibility. She doesn't whine, complain, criticize or make excuses. She's brave & honest about her messy parts & insecurities and screw-ups. She talks to you and not about you.  She speaks of hope & resolve & doing the-next-right-thing.  She lives in a spirit of kindness, generosity & fun. She doesn't take herself too seriously. She doesn't have to be right. I trust her. She's contagious. Healthy friends beget healthy friends. I'm picky about who I spend time with.

And so i've been hanging out with her. She influences me. We don't spend one second talking about anybody else. We spend little time on things we're against. We spend our words on what we are FOR. What we're learning&reading&doing.   How we're feeling. What we're thinking. Where we're headed. The promise of today. The excitement of tomorrow. How far we've come. The wonder of the journey. Lesson by lesson. Step by step. Bird by bird. We're seekers& pioneers.

Most of my best//worst life lessons have come from relationships. I take responsibility for my role in each one. I was co-dependant or passive aggressive and I needed a lesson. I see and feel & realize so much purpose& love& growth. Also, the reality that relationships have seasons. My heart hurts when a friendship ends or changes and we have no explanation other than we grew apart. I'm always a bit sad and bewildered. I know that moving on sometimes means leaving behind. I'm not sure that its right or wrong//good or bad. It just is. Led in different directions. It's necessary. Part of our story as friends&humans.  Hopefully, love& sweet memories remain. For me, yes.  Always love &sweet memories.

We become like the people we spend our time with. For sure. We get to choose. My heart&mind//soul&being is set on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable &praiseworthy. This is my intention when my eyes open in the morning. Every single day. I get to choose. I choose who I listen to. I choose what I think about. I choose the words I speak.

Ordinary to extraordinary. The Spirit beckons me to wholeness& healing& l o v e.  To being present &completely engaged in THIS GORGEOUS LIFE.