I've been slowly reading through a book called "Falling Upward" by Richard Rohr. He talks about the 2 halves of life. The first-half-of-life task of establishing who I am& what I believe...making commitments &raising family. Followed by the 'further journey' in the second-half-of-life. I've unexpectedly found myself here. On this second journey. I have NO IDEA what it's supposed to be or look like. This book is helping me make a little sense out of it. Giving me some language for it. It's confusing & surprising & exciting. At the present moment I'm UNLEARNING more than I'm learning. Weird. Huh? I'm happily ALL in.
I mentioned a few posts back that I stopped going to church. I've been hearing some whisperings & 'concerns' coming from 'friends' who have 'missed' me on Sundays. Let me be CLEAR. I'm a lover of church. I'm NOT anti-church. I'm PRO-church. FOR community & serving& loving & encouraging. Church has saved me in so many ways. I've been a faithful Sunday church go-er my entire life. (The first-half-of-my-entire-life life.) I have always been a 'good Christian girl'. So. Of course.
Also. I'm fairly certain I will go back at some point.
I can't lie, though. It's kinda AWESOME NOT going to CHURCH. I have UNBIASED space in my head and heart and soul and gut. I'm free of the 'shoulds' & the 'should nots'. I've pretty much gotten rid of the bullies in my head who are constantly 'on' me about something. I have no one to impress with my holiness. No one else's standards to live up to. It's just me & God. These days a new kinda 'church' happens all the time. Secret telling & sangrias with Clancy. Early morning runs on the mountain & at the river. Honest & deep conversations with friends. Music & fires & laughter with Riley. Wine & hand holding & kisses with Jeff. My entire everyday life has become sacred. This is church to me. REAL LIFE church. Loving & learning & listening & laughing. Connecting with God
& people. Isn't that what church is meant to be? I think so.
I know exactly what you mean about not going to church anymore. I just recently left a church where I was employed as the "worship leader" for 4 1/2 years. I just couldn't take anymore of the religious system. I feel so free now, even though I feel some displeasure from family and close friends. After I left, I did search for a new place to call home, but quickly found out that all the churches are doing the same thing. They are all caught up in an established religion with a hierarchy of leadership. I just want to be in a place where it feels like like home. A place where everyone is equal, where there's no pastor, offerings, services or even music, but simply a place to share spiritual life with one another. I was raised as a pastor's son all my life, and have been to countless churches. The sad thing, however, is that in all of my travels, I've not found anything even close to the simplest form of spiritual community I long for. Everything I've seen is simply a variation of an organized religious system in which true community is very difficult, if not impossible to experience. So for now, I too am out of the organized church, and feeling very happy, free and settled about it.
ReplyDeleteTim! Thank you so much for your thoughtful & honest response. I've certainly found out that we are not the only ones who have found ourselves HERE. I think we'll hear & learn many things that we need. It's a sweet spot for now. God is alive and well outside of an organized body. In fact. We are ONE BODY. Wherever we are. It's quite lovely seeing life & people & God from this angle. It's new & refreshing. Be well my friend.
DeleteThanks Kym. I totally agree with you. God is working all the time and in so many more ways than an organized body we call church. Thanks for your encouragement and true words.
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