Listen.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

Oh Hey. hi. Its been QUIET here.  My bossy (when I say BOSSy, I mean BeAutIfUL & EnCouRagiNg...) FriEnDs KEEp REMINDING that I haven't written a word since April 10th. NOT. ONE. WORD.  'APRIL 10Th!' (they keep saying...) 'I KNoW!' (i keep saying...) I WANT to write but I just don't have anything to SAY.  i got nothin.   I need to have something to SaY if I'm going to WrITe.  I figured i was SuPPoSeD to be LIStEnING instead.  So. I was like 'fine',  I'll hush-up and LISteN for a little while. A little while turned into a LONG while. 80 days to be exact.  Did you hear me.  I've been QUIET for 80 DAYS-IN-ROW. That's some kind of record. No lie.  Turns out...NOT TALKInG is actually a good thing.  Silence is nothing like you'd expect.  Its not empty. It's FULL & RICH. Jesus sits with me. I'm aware of the meditations of my heart. I recognize the things in me that can use some changing. Apparently there are layers. We are working on these things together. Thought patterns. Habits. Voices in my head that bully me. It's all extremely HuMbLinG. Yet. hopeful&happy&freeing. All at the same time. I'm getting braver.

In light of the Christian/Gay debate. (I HATE debates.)  I USED to KNOW SO MUCH.  I could rattle off biblical answers to most of life's questions without missing a beat. NoW. I know a couple things for sure. That's about it. The rest. I JUST. DONT KNoW.  I have a few hunches. That's all. I'm good with it.  I know what I want to BE. I want to BE more like Jesus. He's humble. kind. forgiving. gracious. trustworthy. loving. wise. patient......every attractive quality. He hung out with the SINnERS. He's in LOVE with EvERY PERSON. Every SINnER.  And when you pay close attention....the only ones He wasn't particularly happy with we're the BIBLE BULLIES. The EXTRA RIGHTEOUS RELIGIouS ONES.  I'm working on NOT being one of those & I apologize from the bottom of my heart for the times I have been. I'm sure I have been. I'm so sorry.  I'm grateful to the tips of my toes for FORGIVENESS & GRACE.

I'll stop here. That's my THOUGHt for today. It's good to be back.

Confessions.

"Why spend money on what is not bread and your labor on what does not satisfy?  Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare."  Isaiah 55:2

So. I'm just gonna say it. Don't judge. I (accidentally) read 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. Exactly two weeks ago. I read THE book. THE book I PrOcLaiMeD I WAs NOT going to read. I had absolutely NO desire to read. I had NO intention to read. BUT. In a moment of WEAKNESS & INDULGENCE & plain old CURIOSITY.....it HAPPeNED. All of a sudden..it was REAd. I take FuLL responsibility.   AND....I'm TELLING you this for a FEw ImPOrTAnT reasons.
FIRST:  I feel BAD about it. I feel bad because I SAID I wouldn't. I told DEAR friends I wouldn't. I took a stand on Facebook, even. Good grief. So. There's that.
SECOND:  I'm SWORN to AUThENTIcITy. I'm pRaCticiNg LivInG an open & honest LIFE.  Period. I'm learning how to do this a little BeTTeR each day. It feels good. It honors God. It honors you. It's heaLinG for my soul. Being VuLnEraBLe is the OnLy way I can GrOw. I'm REALLY trying HARD in this area. It's BRAVE. And NEW.  (Please bear with me:)
THIRD:  I'm usually really really CAREFuL about the things I read and the things I watch. I'm a bit frightened of anything over PG13. I'm intentional about putting GOOD stuff in. So. This was DIFFEReNT. To say the least.

Here's the ThiNG. Here's what I've learned in the past two weeks regarding me & this book & Jesus. I'm gonna DO stuff that isn't GOOD for me. Why? Because I'm a DEPRAVED SINFUL CReATUrE. That's why. I'm not above it. I wish I were. AND. wHEN I DO. I REFUSE to HIDE. I won't. I know that SHAME THRIVES in SECRECY. No more secrets. No more SHAME. EVER. In CHRiST there is no shame. No pretending it didn't hAppEn. Just. No. PREtENDING. So. When I choose to do stuff that isn't BEST. I'll regret it. Confess it. Learn from it. Move on. Choose BeTteR for today. He
GIVES FREELy the food that satisfies and brings DELIgHT to my SOUL. THAT is what I'm after.
I'm choosing ThAT. For today.

Cheerleader.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

I was born a cheerleader. No kidding. On the inside & the outside.  In Jr.High I cheered on the Compton Colts...all blue & white PoMPomS. 4 years of high school I was an E.B. Blade Cheerleader....in our Red&Blue Glory. And FiNaLLy..... Bakersfield College. Red & White & FUN.  Pure F.U.N.  I have a soft spot for cheerleaders. They're important.  They show up to do OnE THinG. They cheer. We NEED them. We all need to be cHeeRed ON. Wouldn't it be nice to have our own little cheer squad come tumbling in when things got tense & tricky & tangled...... to RALLY us through.  Or when we're tired, discouraged and out of gas.... FeeLing like giving up&throwing in the towel......our cheerleaders BuSt in DaNCINg & RooTinG us ON with songs & PomS & wild ENCoUraGeMenT.  Reminding us that we're not alone.....we have what it takes..... we are part of a TEaM. An AmAZINg&BeaUtiFuL TEAM. WiN or LoSe we're In ThiS TOgETHeR.  It makes ALL the DiFferEnCe. If you ask me....Cheerleaders MaKE ALL the DIfFerEnCe.

You see. Cheerleaders SPEAK TO THe BESt in US.  They SinG&ChaNt WoRDs that BUILd us Up. Words that are WHoLeSoMe & GooD. They SprEad POtENTiAl. TheY SinG HOpE. SoNgS that iNSPiRe & uPliFT. EVEN when THiNGS LoOk BLeAK. ESpECIaLLy WHeN THInGs LOoK BLeAk. It WORKS. It MaTTeRs. Our WORDs carry PoWER. We can BUILd up. WE Can TeAR DOWN. We need to REmEMBer tHiS.  To KnoW & PaY AttEnTIon. Because....we ALL are MeAnT to BE CHEELEADeRs.  WE'RE mADe to cHeeR. To GIVE COuRAGe. TO BENEFIT One-anOthEr with our WoRDs.  It takes some InTEnTiOn. Noticing. SelfLessneSs. Kindness. GRaCE. Because. Here's the thing. WoRd by WoRd we are BuiLdiNg the HouSe we LIvE in. The house OUR FAMiLY LiVEs in. The house OUr TeAM liVEs in. I want to BuiLD a LOvELY HouSe. A HOmE
where my PEOPLE find hope&happy.  A HOME that speaks kindness& sings potential. A HoMe that is helpful&beneficial to all who enter. (A home people actually WANT to enter.)  So. Im being mindful & careful with my words...speaking&texting. Praying the cheerleader in me is ALiVE&WeLL&ChEerInG AWaY. Pomspoms& all. If that's what it takes;) rah rah!!!

Perspective.

"But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God." Acts 7:55

Yesterday was super fun. I woke up at 4:30. Spent time with God. Went for a run & watched the sun rise. Was picked up by my darling friend who drove me to a crazy SWEeT bible study where I was invited to share a bit. (one of my favorite things to do;)  The girls are studying the book of Acts. (at the end of chapter 7. you should read it.)   Happened to be right at Stephen's stoning. Stephen's kinda my hero. He had made a whole bunch of ReLiGiouS people mad. StEAminG mad. He called them OUT on some ugly stuff. Hidden sins. Stephen BleW their cover. The people AppEAreD to be clean......... godly....amazing. But. They REALLY WERE NOT. Stephen was brave enough to TELL THEM the truth. They weren't happy about it and went AFTER HIM. You know....to KILL him. (very bad men.) Stephen never panicked. Didn't back down or run for his LiFE. Why? (you may ask)..... He had PeRsPeCtiVe. He didn't see ThEm. He saw GOD.

So I've been thinking about THAT. About how God gives me needed perspective. Every single day. When i am confused. When i am overwhelmed. When i am troubled. When i ASk. When i look. I find Him. He becomes my BiG picture.  EveRYtHING eLSe seems a little less important. Less worrisome.....It's simple, really. The Holy Spirit takes it from there. It feels physical, almost.  He fills me up. Gives me His view of things.  His perspective.  And all is okay.  Awesome, actually. God is WiTH me. In me. HERE. He's working. I'm serious. New perspective brings all kinds of mad HOPE.  & whimsy. & love for life.  The hard stuff is still here, too.  It's just that God is so much BiGGeR. Better. Brighter. All I need to do is look up.   glory;)

Wheelhouse.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God." Ephesians 2:8

A NeW WoRd that I can't get out of my head. 'Wheelhouse'. I know. It's an OLD word. But. For me it's holding some NEW meaning. I like the picture that it paints in my mind. A BiG STroNG WhiTE PADDLE on a RivErBOAT making its way uPStReaM. That's what I see. The WheeLhOuse being the SoUrCe of its eNeRgy. Paddling. Pulling. Splashing. FoCuSeD. MoViNG.  BriLLianTLy & powerfully through the SpaRKly WaTEr.  but.....the WoRD...'WhEELhouSE' itself is used in all SoRTs of ways: the pOwEr ZoNe for a baseball batter....the HoME & vantage point for the captain of a boat...a person's aReA of expertise...the pLaCe from which a vessel can be NaViGaTeD.....the CeNtER of CoNTRoL. (It all sounds a bit like the SaMe ThiNg.)  WheeLHoUsE. I have one. You have one. What does it mean. WhERe is it. WHO is it. What's my power-zone. shelter. expertise. navigation. CENTeR? What do i LET control&drive&motivate me. Each day. ReaLLY. Not just WORDs. What do I ThiNK?  How do I LivE? HoNeStLY. privately. truly. hmmm.....

here it is. here's my thought.  LiFE comes from the wheelhouse. It's a pLaCE of EnerGy. Love. Passion. It determines WHO i am. WhERe i'm going. What my SToRy is ABouT. AnD...after  PoNDeRinG. .....i can say hoNESTLy that it's my FaITH...my FAITH is my WheeLHouSE. My FAiTh. That's all.  Love & Hope IN Christ. My FAITH in JESUS. I'm madly in LOVE with Him. HE alone is the SOURcE for moving me upstream. His WORD. The TRuTH of the BibLE is my pOwEr-Zone. I can't EXpLaIn it really.  I JUST KNOW.  It's a magical mystery.  My faith in Christ....Moves the PADDLE. KeePs me GOInG.  gROWING. gROUNDED. ShELteRED. UnAffECtED.  happy. settled. thankful. ready for the next thing. unafraid of what's around the bend.

by GraCE. & gift.  Jesus is my WhEELhouSe.  It's through him. From him. In him. It's all Him.
It's JeSUS.  ;))

Subplot.

"Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love & good deeds." Hebrews 10:24

Life as StOrY is changing me. The way I see ordinary moments. My perspective on PeOpLe. How I'm spending time & making plans & thinking about God. Why conflict no longer TERrIFIES me.  I'm filled with anticipation & hope.  The winds have shifted & I've reset my sails.  Here's what I'm learning:  my LiTTLe life is a subplot in a BiG SToRy. I've been given AgEnCy (by ThE SToRyTeLLeR) to live out a compelling story. It's up to me to LiVe it. In order for a story to be compelling it must be meaningful & clear.  So I've been doing some clarifying. I believe WE are here to LovE GoD & LovE eaCh OthEr. We're HERe FOR One AnOThER. you&i. To sPuR & inSpiRe. NOT to COMPeTE. We're on the SamE TEaM (for goodness sake:). We fit together. Like puzzle pieces. We're OH SO different & we fill each others GaPs. We're MaDe to HeLp one another WiN. To ROoT FoR & ChEeR oN...turning OrDiNaRY lives....into ExTrAoRdiNaRy stories. Simply by LoVinG. We don't have to AGREe....but we can LOvE. We MUST LOvE.

One of my favorite storytellers Donald Miller says "Great stories have two components: The lead ChaRaCteR saves many lives and they are transformed in the process." LOvING PEoPLe SaVES THeM and TraNSfORmS us. We are SAvED & ChAnGeD by LOvE.  We can LOvE one another BETTeR by DOING the thing God created us to DO. (...painting. writing. gardening. mothering. teaching. driving. acting. nursing. doctoring. singing. fishing. riding. running. swimming. financial planning. decorating. sailing. coaching. cooking. typing. lawyering. counseling. hairstyling......&on.) What are YOu PaSSiOnATe about?  What BrINGS YoU gREaT DeLiGhT? DoIT. Do ThAT OnE ThiNg with GreAt LoVE. Partner up with God. You will be CONTagiOuS. YOU will SPUR us on to LOvE & DO. We each have one WiLD & PrECiOUs LiFe. It's happening. NOW. The films rolling. The story's being told. What are we waiting for....
Let's LIvE it.  It'll be FaBuLous. I promise;)

Story. (part 2)

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth....." Genesis 1:1

'Redeeming Love' by Francine Rivers. One of my MOST favorite books of all time. If you haven't read it. Do it. Now. You wont be able to put it down. I promise. It's captivating. Heart-rending. SO WORTH READING. I buy a new copy each summer. Read it & give it away.  I don't usually read a novel more than once. BUt. I'm CRaZY about THIS book. LOVE EVERY WORD. It's beautiful & tragic & ..(spoiler alert)...ends happy. EVeRy GiRL I know needs to read it. I must insist. It tells the StORY of Michael Hosea (think Tim Tebow).  His obedience to God. His pursuit of a girl named Angel (think of  any girl unworthy of Timmy).  The BOATLOAD of struggles & sufferings & conflicts& frustrations he endures to get what he WaNts....... & he WANTS the GiRL. She doesnt DESerVe him. She doesnt even WANT him back. STILL....He NEVER gives up.  BECauSe of LOVE...... He keeps pursuing Angel.  LOVE MOTIVATES him.....& in the end....LOVE ReDEEMS HER.

So...here's the reason I'm enchanted with this story.  It's an allegory. Michael represents God. Angel represents us. You & me. The STORY is absolutely UNBELIEvEaBLE. It makes NO SENSE. This BEAUTIFUL&AMAZING MAN......who could have ANY GIRL he chooses...picks the one who is the MOST UNWORTHY. The MOST MESSeD Up. The GIrL who has NOT ONE THiNg to GIVE in ReTURN. Nothing to offer EXCePT brokenness & trouble & heartache. And yet, she's the one he picks. She's his beloved........Just like us. God picks us. Me & you. We're His PRIZE. His BeLOvED. The reason He wrote the SToRY. His StORy. A SacRed RoMaNcE. I'm the MOST MESSeD-Up. YET.....He calls me His BriDe. His TreAsuREd Possession. He PURSUES me with a pErFeCt LOVE that I cannot even IMAGINE.  A GeNeRouS LOvE  that heals & protects & saves & meets my every need. A LOvE that OVERWhELMs me with HoPe & GrATiTUDe & JoY. A LOVE THaT REDEEMS me every.single.day.....of my LIFE. WOwEeE. What a STORY. I still can't believe I get to be the GiRL. But....I'm SO veRy VeRy GLAD i am;))