Hey. Happy New Year. New year. New-ish me & hopefully a blog that's a bit more courageous. I'm feeling brave enough to write. Excited to write, actually. I stopped mid year because I was afraid to type out what I was really wanting to say. I took some time to figure out WhY. After a few months of wrestling & listening & wrestling & listening.....I'm back. I'm vulnerable. Rusty. I'm gonna use this safe space to think out loud. If you are a reader... tHAnkyOU. THAnkyOU for listening. Listening is the most loving & kind gift we can give to one another. Hearing. Trying to understand. Without judging. Or fixing. Or controlling. Or scripture slinging. Just plain old fashioned look-me-in-the-eye &listen listening. Patient. Quiet. Humble. Kind. That will be good.
2013 was aweSome. Hard&Happy. Each day. Hard&Happy. My first of the year resolution was to practice writing. From my guts&heart&mind&soul. Nothing made-up. Came to realize super quick it's NOT EASY being HONEST. First of all...honesty is complicated. "I want to be brave enough to tell my own story yet kind enough not to tell anyone else's." That's tricky. Terrifying. Uncomfortable. Awkward. It makes me sweaty&anxious. So. I knew it was what I needed to get good at. I like to do hard stuff. Also...I figure that if I learn to say honest hard vulnerable scary things...maybe you will to. Then. We can be friends. Real friends. The kind that Jesus was & is. I'd like that. To know & be known. Best gift.
I stopped going to church. A couple of years ago. I wasn't mad. Or hurt. Nothing bad happened. I just wasn't BeLiEvInG all the same stuff I used to BeLiEVe. (apparently. it's called a 'paradigm shift'. fancy name.) I had changed. My perspective changed. My heart changed. My view of God changed. My relationships with Christians changed. I was afraid to admit it to anyone. I didn't have the language to express what I was feeling. This was all new territory. I've ALWAYS BELIEVED whatever the most godly person
in the room was saying. I. Just. Didn't. Anymore. There was something not quite right. I've been doing some figuring out. (my gentle shepherd has been leading)
So. 2013. tHAnkyOU. tHAnKyOU for your wide open spaces. You gave me time to seek. To pray. To laugh. To be. You were patient. You were slow. Full of Life. Friends. Love. You gave me what I needed most.....HoPe. BiG HoPe. It starts in the LiSTeNINg. The listening leads to
love&GrAcE. Love&Grace leads to every good thing.
love&grace to all.
I loved this Kym. A paradigm shift. I didn't know what it was called, but I had one too. Here's to honesty and being brave in 2014. May we forever learn and grow. It's the only way to not judge. Thanks for letting me listen. ❤️
ReplyDeleteCindy Lou❤️ thank YOU for listening. God gets so much bigger & lovelier to us in our fifties. Who knew? I'm so happy with the mystery of Him. Settling into that. Not having all the answers. Learning some new ways to trust & love. Nice to know I have a kindred spirit in Idaho. I've kinda felt it for a while😉
DeleteOh you beautiful woman and amazing writer. You have a style that makes people read all the way to the end. This is BY FAR one of your greatest writing endeavors. I am so happy you found the courage to write again. You have a REAL voice and REAL stuff to say. I am on the edge of my seat, pom-poms in hands, cheering you on. You are a beautiful example of a follower of Jesus -- and shouldn't that be what we look for in a our brothers and sisters? LOVE YOU! <3
ReplyDeleteNo. But. Really. Dana😍 there is nobody in my life who encourages my writing more than you do. You are so very kind to me. You. The professional writer. Mega talented word master. That you would even take the time to read my little bits & then to send such love & cheering my way. Thank you. You are generous & beautiful. ❤️
DeleteShift happens. Thank God.
ReplyDeleteHa! Yes!!! Thank God! Love you Kate. Thanks for reading. For all the conversations. For listening and understanding. You're a good one❤️
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