Faith.

'Your love O Lord reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.' Psalm 36:5

My favorite thing is to hear a good story. Something True. Real. Raw. Redeeming. When I tell you my story. It's just that. Mine. It's my life told through my perspective. Influenced by my personality and circumstances. Whether it's all exactly the TRUTh depends on who you ask. It's TrUE to me. You know. Like my siblings for example. We were raised in the same house. Same parents. Same circumstances. Mostly the same experiences. Yet. We each tell a completely different childhood story.  Each one is TRUE. Real. Raw. Redeeming. Just different. Same family. Different story. Fascinating. Right?

I think faith in God is the same kinda thing. I believe in God. You believe in God. Yet. Our lives & stories & language sound different. Same God.  Different perspective of Him. Same God. Different journey with Him. Same God. Different experience. So. When I tell the story of God. I'm telling my story of God. It's not right or wrong it's simply what I believe according to who I am & how I think & my life experience. I don't have to believe everything you do or use the same words or live my life like you. We are STILL talking about the same God. Believing the same God. Loving the same God. Same family. Different story.   I think maybe He planned it this way. Pretty creative. Right?

The thing is. Not one of us knows all there is to know about Him. We think we know. We'd like to know. But. We just dON'T. He's mostly a bEAUTIFuL & LoVeLy mystery. He's BIG. Much bigger than our little 'corner of the truth'.  We tell our truth. But. It's not the WHOLE truth. We tell our story. But. It's not the ENTIRE story. It's just a part of it. Of course. Because. Well. He's GOD. We aren't. I think the eNTIRE sTORY is more than we will ever know. I think He is gREATER than we can imagine. It's silly to be SO CERTAIN about so many things that are straight up UNCertAIn.

What I believe this morning is this. God's LOVE reaches to the heavens. His FAITHFULNESS to the skies.   That's all I need to know for today.
love&grace to you.

Love.

'Give thanks to The Lord for He is good; His love endures for-ever. Let the redeemed of The Lord tell their story.' Psalm 107

I was 13 years old when I went with my jr. high friend stephanie halverson to her family's Pentecostal church on Niles street in east bakersfield & 'invited Jesus into my heart'. I'll never forget. REAL experience. I felt different. It was a BiG DeaL to me. Then &Now.  That was exactly 40 years ago.  Four decades of loving&following Jesus. Studying&teaching his word.  Chasing God and his Will.
This relationship with Him has defined my life. I'm telling you this in case you need my christian credentials. I'm a believer. I have been redeemed and His love keeps redeeming me every single day. Truth.

My very FIRST best friend in life is my big brother Tommy. He was born exactly 11 months before me. We are genuine Irish twins. He is the smartest guy I know. Brilliant. He's also one of the kindest most generous and loving souls I've ever known. Since the day I was born I felt lucky to be his baby sister.  He lives in Germany. Has a bad-ass job and travels the world. I'm so very very very proud of him. He's a beautiful man. I adore him. He happens to also be gay. (NoT by CHOICE.)  He's gay. That's it.   So.

I can't tell his story. But. I can tell mine. When christian people get all judgy & hateful towards homosexuals I take it personally. It's more hurtful & painful then you can wrap your mind around. There is something SO fundamentally WRONG with it.
I used to be twitchy & nervous when the conversations would begin. Not sure how to respond because I KnOW what the bible says. I Get IT.  Fear kept me quiet. It's a passionate subject. We won't all agree. BUt. What I do know is this.  LOVE is mentioned 697 times in the new testament.
Homosexuality is mentioned 6 times in the entire bible. (Jesus never mentioned it once.)


Hmmmmm.....
We need not agree or understand or have it all figured out. But we must love. We need to love. Love opens doors. Love heals.  Love leads. Love wins. While I'm here on this earth. I want to learn to love better. We can all learn to love better. If we are not growing in love, we are not growing.  Period.  
    (That's it on this. For now:)

Love&Grace to ALL.

2013.

"The Lord is my shepherd. I lack NoThInG." Psalm 23

Hey. Happy New Year. New year. New-ish me & hopefully a blog that's a bit more courageous.  I'm feeling brave enough to write. Excited to write, actually. I stopped  mid year because I was afraid to type out what I was really wanting to say. I took some time to figure out WhY.  After a few months of wrestling & listening & wrestling & listening.....I'm back. I'm vulnerable. Rusty. I'm gonna use this safe space to think out loud. If you are a reader... tHAnkyOU. THAnkyOU for listening. Listening is the most loving & kind gift we can give to one another. Hearing. Trying to understand. Without judging. Or fixing. Or controlling. Or scripture slinging. Just plain old fashioned look-me-in-the-eye &listen listening. Patient. Quiet. Humble. Kind. That will be good.

2013 was aweSome. Hard&Happy. Each day. Hard&Happy. My first of the year resolution was to practice writing. From my guts&heart&mind&soul. Nothing made-up.  Came to realize super quick it's NOT EASY being HONEST. First of all...honesty is complicated. "I want to be brave enough to tell my own story yet kind enough not to tell anyone else's."  That's tricky. Terrifying. Uncomfortable. Awkward. It makes me sweaty&anxious. So. I knew it was what I needed to get good at. I like to do hard stuff. Also...I figure that if I learn to say honest hard vulnerable scary things...maybe you will to. Then. We can be friends. Real friends. The kind that Jesus was & is. I'd like that. To know & be known. Best gift.

I stopped going to church. A couple of years ago. I wasn't mad. Or hurt. Nothing bad happened. I just wasn't BeLiEvInG all the same stuff I used to BeLiEVe. (apparently. it's called a 'paradigm shift'. fancy name.) I had changed. My perspective changed. My heart changed. My view of God changed. My relationships with Christians changed. I was afraid to admit it to anyone. I didn't have the language to express what I was feeling. This was all new territory. I've ALWAYS BELIEVED whatever the most godly person
in the room was saying.  I. Just. Didn't. Anymore. There was something not quite right. I've been doing some figuring out. (my gentle shepherd has been leading)

So. 2013. tHAnkyOU. tHAnKyOU for your wide open spaces. You gave me time to seek. To pray. To laugh. To be. You were patient. You were slow. Full of Life. Friends. Love. You gave me what I needed most.....HoPe. BiG HoPe. It starts in the LiSTeNINg. The listening leads to
love&GrAcE. Love&Grace leads to every good thing.

love&grace to all.

Healthy.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is is pure, whatever is lovely,whatever is admirable, - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Philippians 4:8
Being HeALtHy has forever been important to me. Really as far back as I can remember. I've been an athletic-exercise  girl. And now in my fifties it's ImPErATIvE to my mental&emotional&spiritual&physical health to exercise every day. So I do. It's just habit. I really don't give it much thought. The pay-off is HuGE. I don't compare my habit to anyone else's. I just do what works best for me. I'm SUPeR INSpiReD, though, by my PeEpS who stay healthy. I have other habits that I build into my daily life to keep healthy. They ALL SEeM TO BE CONNeCTED.
   Example #1.  I gave up SuGAR for the month of MAY. (Inspired by a friend who doesn't EAT SUGAR EVER.  EVER sounded toooo long for me.....:) it wasn't super fun but really not super hard either. It was just HABIT.  No SUGAR MAY was really HEALTHY. Again. For many different reasons. The pay-off was HUGe. I'll do it again.
  Example #2.  I read "Daring Greatly" by BreNe Brown. Let me just say...I have a CRUSH on this book. Thank you, BreNe. You're my new BFF. You've helped me recognize UNHeALTHy thoughts that have governed little bits of me. I'm replacing some old thinking habits with newer-healthier-braver ones. It feels risky & vulnerable & courageous all at the same time. (more on this later.) Reading "Daring Greatly" was super HeALtHy. The pay-off has been huge.
  Example #3.  I LOVE scripture. Memorize it. Think on it. Apply it. Humbled by it. Rejoice in it. Soak in it. Marvel at it. Surprised by it. Changed by it. Captured by it. THANKFUL for it. Scripture is a HEALTHY HABIT.  Keeps me honest. Keeps my perspective. The pay-off is HUGE. God is MAGNIFiCENT.

What I'm learning about getting healthy.. living healthy... staying healthy... is... it's a PROCESS. It's
not ALL or NOtHiNG. There will for-ever be ROOm in me for change. For growth. For a fresh start.
 A NEW BegInniNg. A realized bad habit that needs to GO. A chance to ADD something GOOd. (People. Are you listening? this is such FABULoUS NEWS!)  Never too late to get HEALthY.

Bliss.

"Where you go I'll go. Where you stay I'll stay."  Ruth 1:16

June was a  LOVE-FEST.  Jeff&i were invited to 6 weddings last month. SIX.  Each one important. All couples SuPER SPECiaL. Perfectly matched. I couldn't HELP but be caught up in the PiNtEreSt-InSPiReD SPaRkLy-TwiNKLy MAGiC of it all. The SHoWERs&FLoWeRs. Veils&Venues&Vows. Rings&GOwNs. Cakes&Save-the-Dates. Food.Drinks.Music.Dances.Toasts.Invites.Bridesmaids.Groomsmen.Flowergirl.Ringbearer.Registry............it takes a A LOT to throw a WEDDiNg. It takes a VILLaGE. It takes TiMe. It takes organization&planning&creativity. It takes a WHOLe BUnCH oF MOnEY. BoAtLoAd.
(This is the part that makes my husband HaPPy we only have one GiRL:)

The WeDdINGs were a ToTAL BLasT. Our DaNCiNg shoes were BuSy...Jeff can BUsT-a-move:)  We felt so honored to be included. Here's what JuNE reminded me of: All that ENERGY that goes into the WEdDiNG can just be tRaNsFeRrEd into the MARRiAGE. LIKe For-EveR. NeveR let up. The wedding is great. A GIFT.  BUT NOTHiNG compared to the MARRiAGE. A hEALtHy MARriaGe is God's BEST GIFT. But it doesn't just HAPPeN. Like the wedding. It takes InTenTion. cReaTIvity. EnErgy. planning. lovE. a team to help&encourage&support. communication. work. FUn. dancing. laughter. focus. grace. bending&vulnerability&prayer. Lots of PRaYer. &DaTinG. Never stop DaTiNg each OThEr. Romancing....it's MAGICAL. Even after almost 30 years. Bliss.❤

Simple.

The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but The Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7b

Life has become super simple for me. Simple. Simple. Simple. It's been a journey gettin here. I'm still clumsy & clueless & can complicate things....but over all....I'm delighted (&thankful) with this simple little life of mine. Mostly because I have TiME & SPACE & AVAILaBiLiTY for people. To LISTEN. LoVE. ENJoY.  To be PRESENT. My DrEAM is to Get to KnOW lots of NEW people. To just be SUPER comfortable hanging out with people who are DIFFeRENT than me. Look different. Live different. Think different. I WaNT TO HEAR YOU. Really LIsTEN to YOU. Christian. Jewish. Mormon. Catholic. Black. White. Gay. Straight. Young. Old. Republican. Democrat. Tattooed. Pierced. Rich. Poor. Educated. Uneducated. Fancy. Plain. Happy. Sad....(well...unless you're MeAN&CrANKy. then...maybe not)......I want to hear your STORY. Hear your HEART. Have HOnEST conversations without JuDGeMENT. Without agenda. See you the way GOD does. Be your friend.

Here's what I'm practicing:  NOT making QUICK SwEEPING JUDGe-Y comments in my HeAD or OuTLoUd about ANYONE. Ever. It's hURTFUL. It's NOT HELPFUL. At ALL.  I want to be HELPfUL. a SAfE PLaCE. a place you can find healing. You know. Like AUgUSt BOaTWRIGhT in The SEcReT LifE of Bees.  Yep. I'd love to be MORE like HER. She was a keeper of bees & a keeper of hearts. Listen. "Bee Yard Etiquette:  She reminded me that the world was really one Bee yard & the same rules apply to both. Don't be afraid as no life-giving BEe wants to sting you. Don't even think about swatting. If you feel angry, WHISTLE. Anger agitates while whistling melts a bees temper. Above all, send the BEEs LOVE. Every little thing wants to be LOvED."  See. Brilliant. Simple. Huh? Just send the bees love.  & I'm practicing my whistling, too.

Invitation.

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost."  Isaiah 55:1

Can i just say HOW MUCH I LOVE GOD'S WORD. Let's talk about THiS.  Just think about ThIS.
Isaiah 55:1. An open invitation. He says COME ALL. Every ONE.  If you're thirsty (&honestly, who isn't thirsty?) JUsT CoME to the WATERS. Find HOPE. heALInG. rEfREshMeNt. We don't have to  bring money.  We can't afford it anyway.  Just be YOu & come. I like this. A lot.  also...He offers wine for free. which is awesome;)
It's Sunday. I'm filled up & happy. Scripture does that for me. When I'm thirsty. His Word quenches. Saturates my SouL. Truth does it. Love does it. Grace does it. His invitation makes me smile. Plenty of room at the WeLL for every ONE. It must be GINORMOUS. Come with me to the living waters. Never thirst again. I'm not kidding. Oh. & bring a friend. Let's hold hands and walk together. It'll be fun.