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an unhurried life.

'Earth's crammed with heaven and every common bush afire with God.' Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I have the sweet lavish luxury of time. Moved to our baby bungalow at the beach for a couple months until home weather cools off. Jeff drives back & forth on the weekends....friends stop in for a night & a chat. My sister & I have a glass of wine||sweet words often. I have no agenda. No commitments. Not one thing I have to do any day each day. My plan is to have no plans. Just be. Sometimes lonely...there's a good kind of lonely. Sometimes overwhelmed with joy & wonder & gratitude. Mostly though, quiet, content, settled, at peace. Reading. Writing. Running. Yoga-ing. Listening. Noticing. Thinking. Being still. Keeping myself company. Transformed by the space. Happily unhurried.

Life is shaped from the inside out. It's a dance between making it happen & letting it happen.  Letting it happen feels like surrendering to what I believe is true. That earth is crammed with heaven. That God is madly in love with us. That life is rigged in our favor. That it's ok to walk away from systems & relationships that no longer work. That failure is part of the journey to success. That the greatest secrets are found in the most unlikely places. That suffering leads to clarity. That being still & unrushed & unbusy is when God speaks loudest. That being & living all of life in the now is pure magic. That learning to love each other without motive or agenda is SO MUCH FUN.

No need to rush & hurry & fill in every space on the calendar and in the margin. No need to be frantic or feel like I'm missing out on anything.  So much goodness is already right here in the quiet. Every common bush afire with God.  It's a sweet beautiful hum that sings to the soul. I think I'll stay in this stunning place a little while longer. Letting it do it's work. The unforced rhythms of the season.  Oh sweet summertime, you're completely enchanting. You're heaven on earth. You make me smile. You make me glad. You fill me
up. ❤️

afraid of nothing.

'There is no fear in love.' 1John 4:18

I'm living and breathing and waiting. Hoping. Praying. Counting on.....the day when I'm afraid of nothing. When we're ALL afraid of not one thing. Because I know then, love has won. Love wins. It's the one thing that wins every game. Wins every relationship. Wins every war. Wins every misunderstanding. Wins every heartbreak. Wins every lie. Wins every fear. Wins every political disagreement. Wins every religious divide. Wins every family break-up. I long for love to take up every ounce of me. Perfect love casts out all fear. His love is a fire in my soul that keeps burning and growing. Consuming & profoundly transforming me.

The love of God in Christ is abundant. I live in abundance. There is so much of everything good and right in this world. That's what I'm involved in. So much to preach FOR. Why waste a precious minute on anything else. Everyone is in. If you're gay, you're in. If you're transgender, you're in. If you're divorced, you're in. If you're an addict, you're in. If you're poor, red-head, pimply-faced, lonely, overweight, white, brown, black, orphaned, lonely, afraid, bulimic.... You're in. You're more loved and treasured and valued than you can even dream. By me. By humanity. By God.

You're enough. Just the exact way you are. Don't you dare believe anything different. You are a light. A child of God. The Maker of the universe. On behalf of Christians everywhere, I apologize if we have made you feel anything less.❤️

my love story.

'My lover is mine and I am his.' Song of Songs 2:16

Marrying Jeff Showers is by far the best decision I've ever made.  Almost 31 years into this and he keeps surprising me with his goodness. His loyalty keeps winning my heart. Over & over.

 I had lunch with a friend a couple of weeks ago and she asked me if our marriage was as magical as it seems. I said yes. Absolutely.  For me, yes. I can't answer for Jeff, but he seems so happy. I feel completely adored by him. I don't know everything that is going on in his heart & mind obviously, he might have some wicked secret that I don't know about....BUT I would be SHOCKED. That night at dinner on the patio....with our little salads & wine, I told him about the lunchtime conversation. Immediately he says, "You know how you only see the very top of an iceberg but what you don't see is a million times more massive?  That's how in love with you I am. More than you'll ever know." I mean. That was a great response. The best part is I believe him.

It's not that we have it all figured out or that our life together is perfect. We have normal amounts of tensions & miscommunications & difference of opinions. We get on each other's nerves from time to time. What makes our story magical is we've grown together. I keep talking to him.  He keeps talking to me. We both listen. He knows the little things that make me happy. He pays more attention to me than to anything or anybody else. Yet I never feel smothered. He works so hard. He goes to his office every morning at 6:15.  He is the one who makes all the money. He pays all of our bills. I make ZERO money. Zero. Zilch. Yet, I am free to do as I please. He doesn't make me feel guilty or controlled by any of it. He trusts me. I trust him. It's such a big deal. So rare. We've worked our way to this place. It's a dreamy dream.

Marriage is a crap shoot. I stand by that. However. When a man loves a woman the way that mine loves me, the odds are in your favor. I have more respect and admiration for Jeff than any other human being on the planet. He is true. He is safe. He is a blast. He could write a book on how to keep
your wife falling madly in love with you every single day. It would be a best seller. A true story. Lucky me.❤️

the poison of gossip.

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24

Here's what I know. Gossip is poison. Most relationship drama that we suffer is because of four stupid habits. We make assumptions. We take things personally. We gossip to gain support. We make excuses to justify behavior. It's a toxic pattern. I'm guilty. Your guilty. We cause our own pain & suffering.  It's so completely ridiculous and juvenile and absurd, yet we do it all the time. We are loving, kind, wise, beautiful women who hurt each other and mostly ourselves with this craziness. We don't mean to. We don't want to. We're always sorry. It's never our intention to harm anyone. And yet, it goes on & on & on.......



The little heart wound that I've been tending to the past few weeks turns out to have been caused by me. There is no one to blame. No one did me wrong. I hurt myself. I followed the long winding rabbit trail back a couple of years to where it started. I had made an assumption. I took it personally. I talked about it to the wrong people. I justified my behavior. I caused the mess. I broke my own heart. I'm sorry. I'm relieved. This clarity & responsibility brings me peace.

What I keep learning is my word creates the events in my life. It's my most powerful tool. I can lie to myself and spread poison with gossipy opinions. Or I can be impeccable with my word and bring life. It's my choice. The energy I give out is the energy that comes back. The journey is real. Practice new habits. Don't take one thing personally. Ask the right person honest questions. Talk it through.
Stop talking about it. Move on. It's a brave & happy way to live. Drama free life. Sweet to the soul. Healing to the bones.

         

truth telling.

"Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of the briers the myrtle will grow." Isaiah 55:13

I'm at the bungalow for a couple of days by myself.  It's quiet. It's honest. It's clear. I'm intently looking at a wounded spot in my heart that needs some healing. I'm working hard to get to the bottom of it. It's the only way forward. It's a small part of my story.  Here goes.

I've been a classic co-dependent in most of my relationships my entire life. There's a definite pattern. I care so much about everyone and lean in way hard. Sometimes it goes well and we work through bumps in the road. This brings healing and a way forward. Carry on.

However, sometimes sadly, it crashes and burns to the ground. Destroyed. This completely devastates me. I'm undone. I feel wounded. Taken advantage of. Betrayed. It all becomes a messy mess that no one is brave enough to talk about. It's a cycle. Ugh. That's my general relationship experience in a nut shell. My entire life. All or nothing. I know. How embarrassing.

So here's the thing. I'm absolutely determined to end this little gig. I've made so much progress. But I've got a ways to go. Bear with me. I'm doing lots of practicing and searching & unraveling. Telling the truth to myself. It's kinda painful. Yet,  I've made up my mind. I'm committed. No more co-dependency for me. I'm doing my best. Eyes wide open. Brave to speak the needed words. I have a plan. I think it's solid.

It's 100% on me. My voice. My actions. My word. My responsibility. My thoughts. My intentions. A healthy life-giving relationship with any human is completely&absolutely up to me. With Jeff. With kids. With family. With friends. If I'm healthy, my relationships will be healthy. It's not you. It's me. Done.

This is why I do soul work. This is why I write. I need transformation. It's me that needs the change. I'll keep you posted.

be the light.

"You are the light of the world." Matthew 5:14

Be the light.  Life is a whimsical gift. The secret to living a life that you love is letting it be exactly what it is. Not what you think it should be. Look around you. Pay close attention to the simple pleasures. The sweet little gifts. Notice the ones who offer you love & kindness. Those who listen& care without motive. Take responsibility for your own happiness. Not one single person, situation or circumstance will make you happy. It's completely up to you. Do your soul work. Every single day do one good thing for your soul. Take care of your mind. Speak gentle words to your heart. Let go of bitterness and anger. Forgive and move on. Don't slander. Don't gossip. Don't compare. Let your words be truth & light. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions.  Never lose sight that just living is fun. Read a delightful book. Go for a long walk with a sweet friend. Fill your mind with positive thoughts. Surround yourself with wonderful people. It's never too late to be who you've always wanted to be. Be generous. Be present. Be nice. Be funny. Be good. Be brave. Be honest. Don't blame. Don't settle. Don't criticize. Don't rush. Stay still. Stay quiet. Stay humble. Stay focused. Stay in your own lane and swim your own race. There is only one you.

This is the beginning of anything you want. God is for-ever chances. God is for-ever tries. Never forget that. Don't get stuck. Don't lose your wonder. Choose now. Choose grace. Choose joy.  Make a fairytale and go live it. It starts with you. There's no life that's better than yours. You are the light of the world. Be the light.